Do you trust me? Do I trust you? Am I telling you the truth? Are you telling me the truth?
In an externally referenced world these were questions I frequently asked myself.It became very easy to make it about somebody else and create a 'story' based on my own belief system.
As I move towards an internally referenced world I begin to question inside myself. I now know this is the only place that holds the more important questions-do I trust myself? Am I telling myself the truth?
I know my world is my creation so as I look outside of myself to see what I am creating I am aware that I know things inside where I live. To honor this knowing I must first admit this truth to myself then open my mouth to put voice to it...no matter what. If I do not speak the truth of my experience I have to lock it back down and create another event to bring it back to the surface. It becomes a choice point again- Do I choose to tell myself the truth and honor this truth by making choices that reflect my inner knowing OR do I look away from my own truth to make somebody else feel comfortable and once again dishonor myself!
When I choose not to tell the truth to someone in my life I know it is a metaphor for my internal world. I know I am avoiding honoring the truth of my experience and locking down information that wants to be in flow so I may come to know myself better.
What is the genius for me? Where am I choosing to look away from more of my own truth because knowing it will force a choice point- do I honor or dishonor myself as I put voice to my own truth. Years of pleasing others and locking down the truth of my experience has built up incredible pressure- THIS INFORMATION WANTS TO MOVE!
Do I need to keep creating experiences outside myself that force this information to move or do I simply know what I know, tell myself the truth and open my mouth to declare this truth as mine. I know doing this will shake the remnants of an old foundation that is long overdue for collapse and integration. My body is a powerful processor and once this information is integrated I know more and as a result become MORE!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Being willing to see ALL of myself
Yesterday I experienced LOTS of agitation in my body. Today I am allowing myself to get curious.
What are the things I choose to embrace within myself and what are the things that I am choosing NOT to see? Why am I choosing NOT to see the magnificence of my imperfections? Is my vulnerability any different then my strength?
As I choose to show up in the moment living the truth of my experience I need to honor and embrace it all in order to be true to myself- to see who I Am becoming.
Do I ever really know who I am becoming? As I show up in the moment and allow my truth to move and integrate I Am different breath to breath.As I remember to trust that I Am the wave transforming I can relax into the moment without labeling the experience. It is all perfect. It is all exactly what it is meant to be.
As I sit here right now all I can know is what is going on inside my own body.Am I willing to embrace it ALL as Me? Am I willing to know in the moment I can choose to hide the truth or embrace it for myself- nobody else, just me. Can I allow myself to be profoundly touched by my own discoveries and marvel in who I Am becoming OR do I choose to look outside myself to see if my success is defined by touching someone else. In the moment that truth moves and I embrace it, I am MORE.
This space is where my own evolution can become seen by Me. All the things I have been choosing not to see are aspects of me that when I was externally referenced, I saw them as negative, based on others reactions.
In an internally referenced world all I have is the truth of my experience in the moment bumping up against aspects of myself I buried a long time ago. My agitation towards another is ALL about ME! Can I relax into this as I do when I have a moment of pure joy. When I do, I take a breath, allow it to move and experience the next truth.
What are the things I choose to embrace within myself and what are the things that I am choosing NOT to see? Why am I choosing NOT to see the magnificence of my imperfections? Is my vulnerability any different then my strength?
As I choose to show up in the moment living the truth of my experience I need to honor and embrace it all in order to be true to myself- to see who I Am becoming.
Do I ever really know who I am becoming? As I show up in the moment and allow my truth to move and integrate I Am different breath to breath.As I remember to trust that I Am the wave transforming I can relax into the moment without labeling the experience. It is all perfect. It is all exactly what it is meant to be.
As I sit here right now all I can know is what is going on inside my own body.Am I willing to embrace it ALL as Me? Am I willing to know in the moment I can choose to hide the truth or embrace it for myself- nobody else, just me. Can I allow myself to be profoundly touched by my own discoveries and marvel in who I Am becoming OR do I choose to look outside myself to see if my success is defined by touching someone else. In the moment that truth moves and I embrace it, I am MORE.
This space is where my own evolution can become seen by Me. All the things I have been choosing not to see are aspects of me that when I was externally referenced, I saw them as negative, based on others reactions.
In an internally referenced world all I have is the truth of my experience in the moment bumping up against aspects of myself I buried a long time ago. My agitation towards another is ALL about ME! Can I relax into this as I do when I have a moment of pure joy. When I do, I take a breath, allow it to move and experience the next truth.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
The Dance
The dance of my intellect and body has changed over the past year. My body has taken the lead. The dance of my life has gotten faster and more free flowing. There are still moments when I don't trust the next dance moves and I allow my intellect to take the lead again. What I notice now is as soon as this happens the dance slows and I am mindful of the steps instead of the flow.
Yesterday I had the experience of becoming MORE and with that came a HUGE insight. As the impulse moved through my body I noticed the sensations that came with it and it began to move old information in my body. The next thing I knew I had slowed the dance and was very aware of the steps. INTELLECT ALERT! Instead of staying with the sensations and relaxing into them I allowed my intellect to kick into high gear and considerably slowed down the entire process of transformation. I was exhausted and began to create questions at an environment,behavior,capability level. Where will I go? When will I do this? How will it happen? Why do I need to do this?
Today I am able to see clearer and move back into my body and allow myself to ponder who am I becoming and who else can I become as a result. The beauty of this question is there are no answers. I simply know by staying in my body and allowing these questions to rumble through me the old information that has been passed from generation to generation to 'me' can move and as long as I relax into it and know when my body processes it I will stand in a new place. A place of knowing and seeing the MORE that I have become. This is the cycle of my life when I allow my body to lead.
The genius for me in believing "creating is about the end result" has allowed me to think the end result represents safety and familiarity. It has also allowed me to move around situations so I could continue believing the illusion that things are safe when they stay the same.
Evolution is growth. To survive we must grow. I now need to look at my life and ask myself is the very illusion of holding on, the very thing that is creating the illusion of safety in my world. Am I growing in an Authentic direction or has the genius of safety created a very different path that I am choosing to move down?
I am realizing in this moment, all the things outside of me that I have chosen to define me are the things, that when the impulse moves in my body, are creating a deeper awareness within. It is an illusion that my building and business represent safety. My safety comes from within and to grow I must become more and as a result things are going to change! This is NOT how I was taught to live! But the more time I hang out in my body connected to the signal from self I realize growth and change are EVOLUTION for its own sake!
I have a deeper awareness for myself today that NOTHING, even what I have created, represents safety, stability or success. In this moment the only thing that represents success, stability or safety for me is- Am I breathing? Am I making an Authentic choice (one based on who I am becoming not one out of cultural habituation)? Am I staying with and relaxing into the sensations that move in my body? Or, am I bracing against what wants to move deep within me?
Stay tuned for what happens as I allow the latest insight to move info that has been allowing me to live small and make choices based on this perspective!
I Am becoming MORE as I write each word and allow what I didn't know I didn't know to flow through the tissue in my body transforming generations of beliefs! I know in this moment my children have a new choice available to them that they did not have 5 minutes ago. All becomes possible when we share with ourselves, the truth of our own experience. Possibilities become awakened in others as we share the truth of our own experience with others.
As you take a breath right now consider who you are capable of becoming if safety resides in your body in the the next breath and the next choice...not in anything we have been taught to believe it resides in.
Yesterday I had the experience of becoming MORE and with that came a HUGE insight. As the impulse moved through my body I noticed the sensations that came with it and it began to move old information in my body. The next thing I knew I had slowed the dance and was very aware of the steps. INTELLECT ALERT! Instead of staying with the sensations and relaxing into them I allowed my intellect to kick into high gear and considerably slowed down the entire process of transformation. I was exhausted and began to create questions at an environment,behavior,capability level. Where will I go? When will I do this? How will it happen? Why do I need to do this?
Today I am able to see clearer and move back into my body and allow myself to ponder who am I becoming and who else can I become as a result. The beauty of this question is there are no answers. I simply know by staying in my body and allowing these questions to rumble through me the old information that has been passed from generation to generation to 'me' can move and as long as I relax into it and know when my body processes it I will stand in a new place. A place of knowing and seeing the MORE that I have become. This is the cycle of my life when I allow my body to lead.
The genius for me in believing "creating is about the end result" has allowed me to think the end result represents safety and familiarity. It has also allowed me to move around situations so I could continue believing the illusion that things are safe when they stay the same.
Evolution is growth. To survive we must grow. I now need to look at my life and ask myself is the very illusion of holding on, the very thing that is creating the illusion of safety in my world. Am I growing in an Authentic direction or has the genius of safety created a very different path that I am choosing to move down?
I am realizing in this moment, all the things outside of me that I have chosen to define me are the things, that when the impulse moves in my body, are creating a deeper awareness within. It is an illusion that my building and business represent safety. My safety comes from within and to grow I must become more and as a result things are going to change! This is NOT how I was taught to live! But the more time I hang out in my body connected to the signal from self I realize growth and change are EVOLUTION for its own sake!
I have a deeper awareness for myself today that NOTHING, even what I have created, represents safety, stability or success. In this moment the only thing that represents success, stability or safety for me is- Am I breathing? Am I making an Authentic choice (one based on who I am becoming not one out of cultural habituation)? Am I staying with and relaxing into the sensations that move in my body? Or, am I bracing against what wants to move deep within me?
Stay tuned for what happens as I allow the latest insight to move info that has been allowing me to live small and make choices based on this perspective!
I Am becoming MORE as I write each word and allow what I didn't know I didn't know to flow through the tissue in my body transforming generations of beliefs! I know in this moment my children have a new choice available to them that they did not have 5 minutes ago. All becomes possible when we share with ourselves, the truth of our own experience. Possibilities become awakened in others as we share the truth of our own experience with others.
As you take a breath right now consider who you are capable of becoming if safety resides in your body in the the next breath and the next choice...not in anything we have been taught to believe it resides in.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Discovering MORE of what has defined my Life and Letting it Go
I read every word of 3 powerful emails that Koreen, Amy and Marie wrote as they honestly claimed the truth of their experience. As I read, I felt info move throughout my whole body- I felt inspired. I feel So grateful in this moment for all of you and especially for mySelf as I keep showing up in my own life one moment at a time, reveling in ALL of it.
So much is coming into my awareness right now. As I read your words Koreen what popped for me was the conversation I want to have with women about how we are unable to show up in our own lives when we make our lives about showing up for another person. More specifically for me, when I showed up 'for' my kids/work they become the very distraction from what moved deep within ME!
We keep perpetuating this cycle and wonder why we have so much guilt as mothers/business owners when we finally want to do something for ourselves. It shakes our foundation to the core when we have spent a lifetime making our life about somebody/something else.
This is what is flowing for me right now because this week I was able to see how much my business has defined my self worth for SO long! When I wasn't living my life for my kids, I was living it to fix others and have them perceive me as great, successful, competent etc.
Well this week I finally SHOWED UP! I held info sessions for all my clients who chose to take part and moved through the experience of being completely Decloaked in front of those who have seen me as someone else for the past 12 years! On Tues I had a lot of info moving through me even as I sat in front of my first small group of women. I allowed myself to be open, clear, honest and direct with all of them and realized I was finally ready to SHOW UP completely in my own life!
My life has been a whirlwind ever since! I have been creating SO many more people on my holodeck who are willing to show up in their own life because I have become willing to show up for mine. I am no longer willing to live my life for anybody else and after allowing myself to move through it and claim it, I know there is NOTHING I can't move through because it is ALL allowing me to discover more of my potential.
Someone asked me the other day if I felt responsible for what happens to people after their Experiences with me. I was again able to see MY EXPERIENCE IS ALL ABOUT ME AND THEIR EXPERIENCE IS ALL ABOUT THEM! It is SOOO FREEING for both of us because in that second that we both show up we realize we are the creators of our own reality- nobody else!! The truth of my experience has become the portal for others to begin to get curious about what potential lies within their truth- expressed to themselves!
In one week my schedule will no longer be about accommodating anybody else. It will be mine to claim and to allow what is right for me moment to moment. I will be able to determine- do I want to do Massage today, do I want to create/facilitate a program, do I want to be at home, do I want to go for tea with friends, do I want to write, teach a yoga class or take a yoga class? I have never ALLOWED my self worth to be completely created from inside me- until NOW!
The beauty of my experience is I now get to be the invitation for something to awaken in another as I claim this experience for myself! The only difference now is that my self worth comes from inside and if I exhale I allow it to radiate out for other lives to be touched! The experience I now have in my body is- it is more painful to remain a bud then to blossom into a beautiful flower.
I am looking to create many VERY different conversations with myself and looking to expand on them with others willing to discover more about the truth of their own experience. No work, just excitement in the discovery!!!
Life becomes static when controlled by dogma, rules, boundaries and expectations of others...Life becomes MORE when we discover the more that we are moment to moment .
The time for me is NOW... When I was finally able to acknowledge that I was the only one in my own life to decide when and how I reclaimed my life, EVERYTHING changed and continues to!
Ask yourself what and who are you waiting for to live fully and vibrantly everyday? If this creates agitation,fear, excitement etc within your body take a deep breath and relax into the sensation because you have just taken the first step on your journey to your Authentic self.
So much is coming into my awareness right now. As I read your words Koreen what popped for me was the conversation I want to have with women about how we are unable to show up in our own lives when we make our lives about showing up for another person. More specifically for me, when I showed up 'for' my kids/work they become the very distraction from what moved deep within ME!
We keep perpetuating this cycle and wonder why we have so much guilt as mothers/business owners when we finally want to do something for ourselves. It shakes our foundation to the core when we have spent a lifetime making our life about somebody/something else.
This is what is flowing for me right now because this week I was able to see how much my business has defined my self worth for SO long! When I wasn't living my life for my kids, I was living it to fix others and have them perceive me as great, successful, competent etc.
Well this week I finally SHOWED UP! I held info sessions for all my clients who chose to take part and moved through the experience of being completely Decloaked in front of those who have seen me as someone else for the past 12 years! On Tues I had a lot of info moving through me even as I sat in front of my first small group of women. I allowed myself to be open, clear, honest and direct with all of them and realized I was finally ready to SHOW UP completely in my own life!
My life has been a whirlwind ever since! I have been creating SO many more people on my holodeck who are willing to show up in their own life because I have become willing to show up for mine. I am no longer willing to live my life for anybody else and after allowing myself to move through it and claim it, I know there is NOTHING I can't move through because it is ALL allowing me to discover more of my potential.
Someone asked me the other day if I felt responsible for what happens to people after their Experiences with me. I was again able to see MY EXPERIENCE IS ALL ABOUT ME AND THEIR EXPERIENCE IS ALL ABOUT THEM! It is SOOO FREEING for both of us because in that second that we both show up we realize we are the creators of our own reality- nobody else!! The truth of my experience has become the portal for others to begin to get curious about what potential lies within their truth- expressed to themselves!
In one week my schedule will no longer be about accommodating anybody else. It will be mine to claim and to allow what is right for me moment to moment. I will be able to determine- do I want to do Massage today, do I want to create/facilitate a program, do I want to be at home, do I want to go for tea with friends, do I want to write, teach a yoga class or take a yoga class? I have never ALLOWED my self worth to be completely created from inside me- until NOW!
The beauty of my experience is I now get to be the invitation for something to awaken in another as I claim this experience for myself! The only difference now is that my self worth comes from inside and if I exhale I allow it to radiate out for other lives to be touched! The experience I now have in my body is- it is more painful to remain a bud then to blossom into a beautiful flower.
I am looking to create many VERY different conversations with myself and looking to expand on them with others willing to discover more about the truth of their own experience. No work, just excitement in the discovery!!!
Life becomes static when controlled by dogma, rules, boundaries and expectations of others...Life becomes MORE when we discover the more that we are moment to moment .
The time for me is NOW... When I was finally able to acknowledge that I was the only one in my own life to decide when and how I reclaimed my life, EVERYTHING changed and continues to!
Ask yourself what and who are you waiting for to live fully and vibrantly everyday? If this creates agitation,fear, excitement etc within your body take a deep breath and relax into the sensation because you have just taken the first step on your journey to your Authentic self.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Embracing the Genius
Ahhhh....I feel as though I am in the stillpoint of my life today. It is a rainy morning and I am cuddled up with my tea and a blanket. I am pausing this week. I am engaging myself and creating the space to allow my body and intellect to catch up to the acceleration in who I have become.
I just
I got together with an AMAZING group of women and spent a FABULOUS weekend engaged in conversation, laughter and tears. I haven't seen most of the women in over a year and yet I was able to share who I Am in this moment with each of them. It really felt as though space and time collapsed and the Essence that each one of us carries was able to shine through in the moment without the stories from the past filling the space. It was a beautiful experience.
I have a lot of information in my awareness today. If I were to remove every person from my world and sit in the sensations that were triggered in my body over the weekend I have a feeling I will know myself better by the end of this blog.
If nobody exists within me and if I am not the fixer of others and their lives, who do I need to be 'strong' for and why do I feel as though I don't have the strength to go through experiences? What does strength mean to me? Do I need strength to protect the illusion that I am safe in my world?
If I Am the one in my world and I get to show up every moment of my life, I need nothing more then to know then I am safe to inhale my potential of discovering the more that I Am, make a choice honoring the discovery, exhaling and letting the past experiences move to create space for the new evolution. In this process the step towards my Authentic journey has begun. Each breath becomes the step. Nothing to be strong for, nothing to protect. Surrendering my intellect to my body, relaxing into the sensations without putting labels on them. They are what they are. I will be less likely to honor myself if I put labels (guilt, hurt, pain, anxiety etc) on what information needs to move in my body in order to create the new thoughts that come with insights when info (emotions and sensations) moves in my body.
If I create my world then I am the only one in my world. If I am the only one in my world I need nothing other then what lives inside of me in this moment. I will not create this moment to be anything other then what 'I' need to move THROUGH (not around) to get closer to the core of who I Am. I am realizing I knew all this at the different layers that have already peeled away but I am experiencing myself VERY differently the last few days so I know have a new understanding of what I already knew.
As I am able to see myself differently I am seeing others in my life differently.
I read something this morning that allowed me to see why honoring myself in the moment is SO important to me now...
"When I forsake my genius and speak to you as though I were another, I also speak to you as someone you are not and somewhere you are not. I address you as audience, and do not expect you to respond as the genius you are." - Finite and Infinite Games
I am genius and you are genius. If we can stay present to that in conversation we will both discover the more that we are in each others presence. I have lived both the genius and 'not that' and my life has accelerated exponentially since embracing myself as genius!I look forward to discovering the more that I Am now in each breath.
I just
I got together with an AMAZING group of women and spent a FABULOUS weekend engaged in conversation, laughter and tears. I haven't seen most of the women in over a year and yet I was able to share who I Am in this moment with each of them. It really felt as though space and time collapsed and the Essence that each one of us carries was able to shine through in the moment without the stories from the past filling the space. It was a beautiful experience.
I have a lot of information in my awareness today. If I were to remove every person from my world and sit in the sensations that were triggered in my body over the weekend I have a feeling I will know myself better by the end of this blog.
If nobody exists within me and if I am not the fixer of others and their lives, who do I need to be 'strong' for and why do I feel as though I don't have the strength to go through experiences? What does strength mean to me? Do I need strength to protect the illusion that I am safe in my world?
If I Am the one in my world and I get to show up every moment of my life, I need nothing more then to know then I am safe to inhale my potential of discovering the more that I Am, make a choice honoring the discovery, exhaling and letting the past experiences move to create space for the new evolution. In this process the step towards my Authentic journey has begun. Each breath becomes the step. Nothing to be strong for, nothing to protect. Surrendering my intellect to my body, relaxing into the sensations without putting labels on them. They are what they are. I will be less likely to honor myself if I put labels (guilt, hurt, pain, anxiety etc) on what information needs to move in my body in order to create the new thoughts that come with insights when info (emotions and sensations) moves in my body.
If I create my world then I am the only one in my world. If I am the only one in my world I need nothing other then what lives inside of me in this moment. I will not create this moment to be anything other then what 'I' need to move THROUGH (not around) to get closer to the core of who I Am. I am realizing I knew all this at the different layers that have already peeled away but I am experiencing myself VERY differently the last few days so I know have a new understanding of what I already knew.
As I am able to see myself differently I am seeing others in my life differently.
I read something this morning that allowed me to see why honoring myself in the moment is SO important to me now...
"When I forsake my genius and speak to you as though I were another, I also speak to you as someone you are not and somewhere you are not. I address you as audience, and do not expect you to respond as the genius you are." - Finite and Infinite Games
I am genius and you are genius. If we can stay present to that in conversation we will both discover the more that we are in each others presence. I have lived both the genius and 'not that' and my life has accelerated exponentially since embracing myself as genius!I look forward to discovering the more that I Am now in each breath.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Questioning Deep Inside Myself
I am drawn to this space tonight to engage in a conversation with myself.
A few weeks ago I wrote about an encounter with a friend that allowed me to bump up against myself. The deeper insight I have now is one of my old beliefs bumping up against new beliefs. Each time I stand my ground and allow myself to be authentic I feel a deep shaking from within my body (especially in the chest area). Each time I allow myself to breathe through the sensations I realize just how deeply hardwired the need to please is in my body. I know this is not who I am, nor who I choose to be in my world. I also know until these old experiences are processed in my body I will continue to invite situations in my external world that become a trigger to allow for movement.
In six weeks I will have no external obligations, no agenda except the one I create moment by moment. This will be my life. I will not work another day in my life. My life will be MY work in progress.
One year after beginning my WEL-Systems journey I am able to allow my title of my blog to collapse. Space and time only exist if I say so. Moment to moment, breath to breath is where life is happening, where I actually show up in my life.
I spent years living in the past, worrying about the future and wondering what other people thought of me. Now I get to choose my life and all I have to wonder is whether I honoured myself in the process.
What exactly is it I want to say? Why am I here in this space tonight? Why is it I led a life of putting everybody else first? Why did I apologize to everyone except myself? Why has it taken me so long to embrace the sensations inside my body that are mine? Why didn't I get any of this before? Why me? Why not me? Why perfect and not imperfect? Why see anything outside me as anything else but me? Why be here right now? Why pretend to myself? Why try to reach out when we are all dying because we are not reaching in? Why laugh when I want to cry? Why try to be the best outside when we already are our best inside? Why love when we can respect? Why be anything less when we know ourselves to be more? Why grieve a death and not celebrate a life? Why not experience every moment so we get to experience more of our lives? Why be quiet when we want to speak? Why sit when we can dance? Why hold our breath when we can fully inhale our potential and exhale more of ourselves to the world? Why speak when we can sing? Why walk when we can fly? Why speak when silence speaks to our soul? Why have the answers when the questions expand our potential? Why look at the outside when we are inside? Why have a conversation when a gaze is all that is needed? Why look away when we can embrace ourselves in the moment of discomfort? Why choose death when we can live?
Why not say FUCK IT here is my moment to no longer allow my past to be what defines me, stand strong in the discomfort and keep moving forward regardless of what others think! Here is my moment. Here is my truth. Here I Am.
A few weeks ago I wrote about an encounter with a friend that allowed me to bump up against myself. The deeper insight I have now is one of my old beliefs bumping up against new beliefs. Each time I stand my ground and allow myself to be authentic I feel a deep shaking from within my body (especially in the chest area). Each time I allow myself to breathe through the sensations I realize just how deeply hardwired the need to please is in my body. I know this is not who I am, nor who I choose to be in my world. I also know until these old experiences are processed in my body I will continue to invite situations in my external world that become a trigger to allow for movement.
In six weeks I will have no external obligations, no agenda except the one I create moment by moment. This will be my life. I will not work another day in my life. My life will be MY work in progress.
One year after beginning my WEL-Systems journey I am able to allow my title of my blog to collapse. Space and time only exist if I say so. Moment to moment, breath to breath is where life is happening, where I actually show up in my life.
I spent years living in the past, worrying about the future and wondering what other people thought of me. Now I get to choose my life and all I have to wonder is whether I honoured myself in the process.
What exactly is it I want to say? Why am I here in this space tonight? Why is it I led a life of putting everybody else first? Why did I apologize to everyone except myself? Why has it taken me so long to embrace the sensations inside my body that are mine? Why didn't I get any of this before? Why me? Why not me? Why perfect and not imperfect? Why see anything outside me as anything else but me? Why be here right now? Why pretend to myself? Why try to reach out when we are all dying because we are not reaching in? Why laugh when I want to cry? Why try to be the best outside when we already are our best inside? Why love when we can respect? Why be anything less when we know ourselves to be more? Why grieve a death and not celebrate a life? Why not experience every moment so we get to experience more of our lives? Why be quiet when we want to speak? Why sit when we can dance? Why hold our breath when we can fully inhale our potential and exhale more of ourselves to the world? Why speak when we can sing? Why walk when we can fly? Why speak when silence speaks to our soul? Why have the answers when the questions expand our potential? Why look at the outside when we are inside? Why have a conversation when a gaze is all that is needed? Why look away when we can embrace ourselves in the moment of discomfort? Why choose death when we can live?
Why not say FUCK IT here is my moment to no longer allow my past to be what defines me, stand strong in the discomfort and keep moving forward regardless of what others think! Here is my moment. Here is my truth. Here I Am.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Honoring MySelf and knowing I AM ENOUGH
In this moment I am aware how much IS and how much WANTS to be in flow in my life!
I had an experience this morning that created a lot of chaos in my body. I found myself bumping up against another person who I hold to be a friend in my life.
I allowed myself to ask the question- what am I bumping up against in my own life? Since it is never about the other person I allowed the wave to move inside MY body. If I had stayed in the intellect and analyzed it I would have continued to make it an experience outside of me. The wave of old information my body held would have become locked down because I wouldn't have been able to OWN it as my own.
When I reflected on and allowed myself to consider what the mornings experience was for ME I realized there was another culturally conditioned aspect of myself that was ready to move. The wave of information that moved brought the insight-I am no longer willing to create experiences to have others see that I AM ENOUGH in order to give myself permission to see it in myself. I Am IT! There will be many times in my life that I bump up against myself in the presence of another but I need to know it is simply an invitation for me to become MORE.
I had lived most of my life wanting to fit in and wanting to be loved. I have created many experiences in which people could see me as lovable, friendly and nurturing. I am still all of these things but I no longer need to be SEEN as these things. Hence the experience I created this morning. The beauty in all of it was in shaking my foundation I came to see that over the past year I have allowed my old (culturally conditioned) foundation to become replaced with more of an Authentic one- much more solid and stable. Does it mean I don't still have experiences that shake me to my core?-No, but when they do I know I will be able to stabilize and continue to move forward instead of stopping and feeling like a deer caught in the headlights, paralysed with fear. I am no longer willing to compromise myself for someones comfort and when I do this I know I am no longer teaching this to my children.
When I choose someones comfort I am not willing to engage the very thing in my body that I consider uncomfortable to stand in. Today I was willing to step into and relax into the discomfort in my own body. I didn't die doing it. I didn't fall into a depression.I don't love myself any less. In fact, I love myself more and I feel as though another piece of my world has been revealed- knowing I can go into the dark corners of my soul and turn the light on to see I am the only one there who is going to choose to change MY world. I AM ENOUGH
I Am enough in MY world and I trust others who want to see this in their lives will engage this in themselves because what was this morning dark and uncomfortable for me, is now a new way for me to consider my world! As I broaden my perspective I create more space to see it differently.
I had an experience this morning that created a lot of chaos in my body. I found myself bumping up against another person who I hold to be a friend in my life.
I allowed myself to ask the question- what am I bumping up against in my own life? Since it is never about the other person I allowed the wave to move inside MY body. If I had stayed in the intellect and analyzed it I would have continued to make it an experience outside of me. The wave of old information my body held would have become locked down because I wouldn't have been able to OWN it as my own.
When I reflected on and allowed myself to consider what the mornings experience was for ME I realized there was another culturally conditioned aspect of myself that was ready to move. The wave of information that moved brought the insight-I am no longer willing to create experiences to have others see that I AM ENOUGH in order to give myself permission to see it in myself. I Am IT! There will be many times in my life that I bump up against myself in the presence of another but I need to know it is simply an invitation for me to become MORE.
I had lived most of my life wanting to fit in and wanting to be loved. I have created many experiences in which people could see me as lovable, friendly and nurturing. I am still all of these things but I no longer need to be SEEN as these things. Hence the experience I created this morning. The beauty in all of it was in shaking my foundation I came to see that over the past year I have allowed my old (culturally conditioned) foundation to become replaced with more of an Authentic one- much more solid and stable. Does it mean I don't still have experiences that shake me to my core?-No, but when they do I know I will be able to stabilize and continue to move forward instead of stopping and feeling like a deer caught in the headlights, paralysed with fear. I am no longer willing to compromise myself for someones comfort and when I do this I know I am no longer teaching this to my children.
When I choose someones comfort I am not willing to engage the very thing in my body that I consider uncomfortable to stand in. Today I was willing to step into and relax into the discomfort in my own body. I didn't die doing it. I didn't fall into a depression.I don't love myself any less. In fact, I love myself more and I feel as though another piece of my world has been revealed- knowing I can go into the dark corners of my soul and turn the light on to see I am the only one there who is going to choose to change MY world. I AM ENOUGH
I Am enough in MY world and I trust others who want to see this in their lives will engage this in themselves because what was this morning dark and uncomfortable for me, is now a new way for me to consider my world! As I broaden my perspective I create more space to see it differently.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Claiming Magnificance in my imperfections
The topic of redefining the word Powerful Women came up over the weekend and I must say it has not left my awareness.
Tonight my son was watching Spiderman and he asked me why he could not spin webs like his favorite hero.
My thoughts immediately went to the word superpower. I told my son that although he could not spin webs in this moment of his life he already had a superpower. He was intrigued and asked me what superpower he had. I told him 'his' power was inside his body and by allowing himself to see what he sees, hear what he hears and know what he knows his power would be in using his voice to tell what he feels on the inside to the outside world. By allowing what is inside of him, the truth of his experience, to make its way into the world unfiltered means he has superpowers! He immediately asked me if everyone had these superpowers. My response was everybody has the superpower but some choose not to use it, some do not know it is inside of them and some have been told from a very young age their superpower is not welcomed...but everybody has it. He seemed pleased with himself as he ran off continuing to try and shoot webs out of his wrists!
We all have a superpower. I tried to hide mine for many years and even the other day as I recorded a CD with Louise called "Intimacy, Birth and Rebirth" (more to come later about this) I felt the shakiness in my body as I allowed the truth of my experience to come out of my mouth unfiltered and uncensored. I was aware of the discomfort in my body and I stayed with it. A few minutes later I realized the sensation had turned to excitement and all I had to do was stay with the feeling of discomfort so my body could process it and reveal something else! Normally I would disconnect from my body to 'get through' something but I now know I also disconnect from my Authenticity when what comes out of my mouth does not match what is inside of me and what ends up coming out of my mouth in my state of disconnect is simply the culturally conditioned me.
Another key 'green dot moment' (light bulb moment) that flooded my awareness after completing the CD recording is just how non-linear I am. My Authentic thoughts follow no sequence and have no definite start or end point to them. It makes perfect sense that I stayed disconnected from who I really was under cultural conditioning for so many years because to have the life I thought I should have meant being very organized, keeping a sequence and always staying on track. These were the very things that allowed me to stay small and in the box for so many years!
It is all just now making sense...I have been attempting to write blogs for months since Manifesting (the program I connected strongly to who I Am in the world) but I would get 'off track' and end up not finishing them and eventually discarded them because they were all over the place in their content! Tonight I am very aware as I write this that I am allowing myself to go all over the place and it feels AMAZING! I have no idea if any of this makes sense but since the whole point of my blog is to have a conversation with myself to discover more about my Authentic self, I am prepared to put this out to further Decloak and as an invitation for others to think of their lives differently then they may have a few minutes ago.
What are the things we really think are 'us' that are simply strategies we have gotten really comfortable living? Could these be the very things that keep us disconnected from the Essence of who we are in the world?
The freedom I feel right now is MAGICAL!! Another layer has peeled away and I am left feeling more integrated then ever!
I feel a little anxious about pressing the publish button because my grammar is not correct, I have bounced all over the place and essentially it is not linear but I know this is another layer of cultural conditioning about to peel away as I claim more of the 'real, non-linear me'. My head is held high as I let go of something I have clung to for so many years and realize I now get to claim another Authentic aspect of my being.
We really are Magnificent in our imperfections! Now that I know this in myself I can accept this and welcome it in you!
With Respect, Integrity and Generosity of Spirit.
Naomi
Tonight my son was watching Spiderman and he asked me why he could not spin webs like his favorite hero.
My thoughts immediately went to the word superpower. I told my son that although he could not spin webs in this moment of his life he already had a superpower. He was intrigued and asked me what superpower he had. I told him 'his' power was inside his body and by allowing himself to see what he sees, hear what he hears and know what he knows his power would be in using his voice to tell what he feels on the inside to the outside world. By allowing what is inside of him, the truth of his experience, to make its way into the world unfiltered means he has superpowers! He immediately asked me if everyone had these superpowers. My response was everybody has the superpower but some choose not to use it, some do not know it is inside of them and some have been told from a very young age their superpower is not welcomed...but everybody has it. He seemed pleased with himself as he ran off continuing to try and shoot webs out of his wrists!
We all have a superpower. I tried to hide mine for many years and even the other day as I recorded a CD with Louise called "Intimacy, Birth and Rebirth" (more to come later about this) I felt the shakiness in my body as I allowed the truth of my experience to come out of my mouth unfiltered and uncensored. I was aware of the discomfort in my body and I stayed with it. A few minutes later I realized the sensation had turned to excitement and all I had to do was stay with the feeling of discomfort so my body could process it and reveal something else! Normally I would disconnect from my body to 'get through' something but I now know I also disconnect from my Authenticity when what comes out of my mouth does not match what is inside of me and what ends up coming out of my mouth in my state of disconnect is simply the culturally conditioned me.
Another key 'green dot moment' (light bulb moment) that flooded my awareness after completing the CD recording is just how non-linear I am. My Authentic thoughts follow no sequence and have no definite start or end point to them. It makes perfect sense that I stayed disconnected from who I really was under cultural conditioning for so many years because to have the life I thought I should have meant being very organized, keeping a sequence and always staying on track. These were the very things that allowed me to stay small and in the box for so many years!
It is all just now making sense...I have been attempting to write blogs for months since Manifesting (the program I connected strongly to who I Am in the world) but I would get 'off track' and end up not finishing them and eventually discarded them because they were all over the place in their content! Tonight I am very aware as I write this that I am allowing myself to go all over the place and it feels AMAZING! I have no idea if any of this makes sense but since the whole point of my blog is to have a conversation with myself to discover more about my Authentic self, I am prepared to put this out to further Decloak and as an invitation for others to think of their lives differently then they may have a few minutes ago.
What are the things we really think are 'us' that are simply strategies we have gotten really comfortable living? Could these be the very things that keep us disconnected from the Essence of who we are in the world?
The freedom I feel right now is MAGICAL!! Another layer has peeled away and I am left feeling more integrated then ever!
I feel a little anxious about pressing the publish button because my grammar is not correct, I have bounced all over the place and essentially it is not linear but I know this is another layer of cultural conditioning about to peel away as I claim more of the 'real, non-linear me'. My head is held high as I let go of something I have clung to for so many years and realize I now get to claim another Authentic aspect of my being.
We really are Magnificent in our imperfections! Now that I know this in myself I can accept this and welcome it in you!
With Respect, Integrity and Generosity of Spirit.
Naomi
Sunday, April 26, 2009
The Journey lies Within
Beyond the stillness of my home tonight, I know, women are desperately searching as I had been searching months ago.
My search was for something I knew for some time to be missing in my life- Connection to Self.
I am happy, no, overjoyed to declare the search has finally ended. I know as I sit here tonight, within my body, the journey to find what I thought had been missing has been here all along and the journey to get here has simply been one of letting go and engaging the force that flows through my body-my unique signal in the world.
I am ready to Emerge and speak only to the Godforce that we ALL are. I am ready to engage the signal that I know each of us carries. I am ready to risk offending others to stay true to myself. I am ready to see the expression you are in me, allowing this to reveal more to me about mySelf. I Am ready to do this and be unapologetic because I know the power within the journey and I Am ready to go into the dark places because I have been there and I Am not afraid anymore!
Along this journey I have stopped and started. I have experienced such incredible fear it allowed me to go back into my intellect and react from default. I have had periods of forgetting who I Am. I have resisted change. I have questioned my worthiness, value and strength. I have experienced confusion and chaos. I have been willing to allow others with the spark in there eye to stay asleep for the fear of stirring up in them what I didn't think I could face stirring up in me. I have tried to hold on to others when it was clear they were not willing to do what it takes to reclaim their life.
In the face of all this I sit here tonight alive and knowing the pure and utter genius in it ALL. These moments have all been part of my journey back home- to Self! Each unfolding moment as I relaxed into it was allowing a stronger connection to Self and an opportunity to be more alive and awake to my own life then EVER before.
Tonight as I sit here I am aware that I am no longer able to fear the unknown. The map I hold in front of me is blank and it is waiting for me to take my first, second, third step etc. in order for it to be one of true discovery- not from my past but the absolute unknown of the future, moment by moment, breath by breath. Discovering new territory within mySelf- allowing self evolution to continue.
I know with the blank map I will still stumble on familiar ground from long ago but as I keep moving it will not need to be re-experienced, simply let go of. As I keep moving through the known I will find areas never discovered within mySelf and I will experience mySelf differently. This may change my direction but nonetheless it will be in these moments that I will be propelled forward leaping over the mountain and instead of climbing it with rigor and discipline, I will leap over it with ease and acceleration.
It is my map and my journey so I know the steps I choose to take are of my choosing. The force within my body cues the steps and allows the intellect to choose left, right or straight ahead. It is only when I listen to voices outside mySelf that I get lead off course. Becoming true to mySelf is what I now experience as the Authentic journey that allows more of the the expanding presence of Godforce to be present and available to me every moment!
It truly is a joy to be Alive and Engaging as and with the Godforce and knowing this has the power to change the WORLD!
Standing alone, together, will be the collective force to design a world of our choosing...Are you willing to do what it takes to stand alone and connect to the most powerful force in the world?- YOU! Allow yourself to ponder this and allow this sensation to lead you to the big questions in your own life! It continues to do so for me!!
My search was for something I knew for some time to be missing in my life- Connection to Self.
I am happy, no, overjoyed to declare the search has finally ended. I know as I sit here tonight, within my body, the journey to find what I thought had been missing has been here all along and the journey to get here has simply been one of letting go and engaging the force that flows through my body-my unique signal in the world.
I am ready to Emerge and speak only to the Godforce that we ALL are. I am ready to engage the signal that I know each of us carries. I am ready to risk offending others to stay true to myself. I am ready to see the expression you are in me, allowing this to reveal more to me about mySelf. I Am ready to do this and be unapologetic because I know the power within the journey and I Am ready to go into the dark places because I have been there and I Am not afraid anymore!
Along this journey I have stopped and started. I have experienced such incredible fear it allowed me to go back into my intellect and react from default. I have had periods of forgetting who I Am. I have resisted change. I have questioned my worthiness, value and strength. I have experienced confusion and chaos. I have been willing to allow others with the spark in there eye to stay asleep for the fear of stirring up in them what I didn't think I could face stirring up in me. I have tried to hold on to others when it was clear they were not willing to do what it takes to reclaim their life.
In the face of all this I sit here tonight alive and knowing the pure and utter genius in it ALL. These moments have all been part of my journey back home- to Self! Each unfolding moment as I relaxed into it was allowing a stronger connection to Self and an opportunity to be more alive and awake to my own life then EVER before.
Tonight as I sit here I am aware that I am no longer able to fear the unknown. The map I hold in front of me is blank and it is waiting for me to take my first, second, third step etc. in order for it to be one of true discovery- not from my past but the absolute unknown of the future, moment by moment, breath by breath. Discovering new territory within mySelf- allowing self evolution to continue.
I know with the blank map I will still stumble on familiar ground from long ago but as I keep moving it will not need to be re-experienced, simply let go of. As I keep moving through the known I will find areas never discovered within mySelf and I will experience mySelf differently. This may change my direction but nonetheless it will be in these moments that I will be propelled forward leaping over the mountain and instead of climbing it with rigor and discipline, I will leap over it with ease and acceleration.
It is my map and my journey so I know the steps I choose to take are of my choosing. The force within my body cues the steps and allows the intellect to choose left, right or straight ahead. It is only when I listen to voices outside mySelf that I get lead off course. Becoming true to mySelf is what I now experience as the Authentic journey that allows more of the the expanding presence of Godforce to be present and available to me every moment!
It truly is a joy to be Alive and Engaging as and with the Godforce and knowing this has the power to change the WORLD!
Standing alone, together, will be the collective force to design a world of our choosing...Are you willing to do what it takes to stand alone and connect to the most powerful force in the world?- YOU! Allow yourself to ponder this and allow this sensation to lead you to the big questions in your own life! It continues to do so for me!!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Life is magical when we Allow OurSelves to be Found
4 days after Manifesting and the words are just beginning to connect to my signal that is in full flow through my body.
No more searching, no more seeking, just allowing myself to be found.
The pieces of the puzzle that I have been gathering in front of me over the past 8 months became a beautiful collage of my life on day 5 of Manifesting.
Once I marvelled in the beauty of my life and saw how one piece fit meticulously together with the other I was finally able to 'see' my life and the magnificence of my imperfections.
I was then able to let go- I let go of the life I 'have' lived so the image of the collage could become blank again and I could begin to choose and create based on this moment rather then the past.
Every day allowing mySelf to wake and bask in the sunshine of my own life as the unique signal that I am in the world and asking mySelf what it is that I choose to do today.
No longer do I walk backwards into the future using the past as a familiar guide.
I have chosen to turn around and look up to the expression that I Am in this Universe and allow this moment to be the platform for the next!
The image that pops for me is one of me being a little girl looking up to the sky and asking mySelf- "what do I want to do?" No external referencing, early family systems had not yet had it's firm grip around my life...nothing to do but BE!
The circle completed itself last Saturday and I am once again looking up to the sky and asking mySelf "what do I choose today?"
Everyday allowing myself to be found by an expression more magical then it was in the last breath.
My life, my choices, my song to sing for myself or out loud for the world to hear.
Thank you Louise for creating the playground for us to safely explore and be found by a force I truly didn't know could exist on this plane.
Thank you Lisa, your presence and words have such a deep resonance and connect at a level that vibrates my entire being.
Thank you Lucy, your essence is still present within me even across the miles.
Thank you Cathy, your vibrancy for life allowed me to connect with the part of you that is an aspect of myself.
My body is soft, my breath is free and I am simply able to 'be' me for the first time since I was a child.
I look forward to waking tomorrow and allowing myself to feel the pulsating life force flowing through my body knowing and trusting my life is one of my design- not by planning but by allowing the flow to move the wave in my body in which I breathe and relax into, make a choice and take a step. If I allow this process to repeat 100 times in a day I have moved 100 steps closer to 'home'.
No more searching, no more seeking, just allowing myself to be found.
The pieces of the puzzle that I have been gathering in front of me over the past 8 months became a beautiful collage of my life on day 5 of Manifesting.
Once I marvelled in the beauty of my life and saw how one piece fit meticulously together with the other I was finally able to 'see' my life and the magnificence of my imperfections.
I was then able to let go- I let go of the life I 'have' lived so the image of the collage could become blank again and I could begin to choose and create based on this moment rather then the past.
Every day allowing mySelf to wake and bask in the sunshine of my own life as the unique signal that I am in the world and asking mySelf what it is that I choose to do today.
No longer do I walk backwards into the future using the past as a familiar guide.
I have chosen to turn around and look up to the expression that I Am in this Universe and allow this moment to be the platform for the next!
The image that pops for me is one of me being a little girl looking up to the sky and asking mySelf- "what do I want to do?" No external referencing, early family systems had not yet had it's firm grip around my life...nothing to do but BE!
The circle completed itself last Saturday and I am once again looking up to the sky and asking mySelf "what do I choose today?"
Everyday allowing myself to be found by an expression more magical then it was in the last breath.
My life, my choices, my song to sing for myself or out loud for the world to hear.
Thank you Louise for creating the playground for us to safely explore and be found by a force I truly didn't know could exist on this plane.
Thank you Lisa, your presence and words have such a deep resonance and connect at a level that vibrates my entire being.
Thank you Lucy, your essence is still present within me even across the miles.
Thank you Cathy, your vibrancy for life allowed me to connect with the part of you that is an aspect of myself.
My body is soft, my breath is free and I am simply able to 'be' me for the first time since I was a child.
I look forward to waking tomorrow and allowing myself to feel the pulsating life force flowing through my body knowing and trusting my life is one of my design- not by planning but by allowing the flow to move the wave in my body in which I breathe and relax into, make a choice and take a step. If I allow this process to repeat 100 times in a day I have moved 100 steps closer to 'home'.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
No Longer My Past
I began a blog several hours ago after reading Lisa's latest entry http://ljweiss.wordpress.com but things were moving too fast within my body for me to capture anything with words.
I went for a walk and allowed things to move within my body by breathing and staying with the mini tornado, knowing my body would stabilize the more I allowed my attention to stay with the process. Trusting my body to process the information as it would digest a banana.
I now know what I invite and create in my life is truly genius. All of it! I am embracing this process now because as I allow external experiences to trigger the energetic signature of a past experience within the cells of my body I am able to fully let go of 'the stories'. The stories of the past we tell ourselves and other people to recognize 'ourselves'. If we are not our past- who are we?
I am realizing I had no space inside of me to create anything new because the stories (experiences of the past) kept me on a treadmill creating the same thing over and over again for fear of 'loosing myself' as I let go of the past . Each experience was not the same from the outside but it felt the same on the inside. Nothing ever changed until the day I chose to breathe and let my body process the experience.
My body does not hold near the stories anymore but for the ones that it does I cleverly create experiences in my life to allow them to move and process. I don't fight this process anymore. I do not judge the situation, I simply embrace it and realize the truth of my imperfection.
There are still moments that I move into my intellect and without the stories I feel fear because nothing is recognizable. There are no guideposts of emotions from past events, no map to go back and keep repeating the same thing. It is all new, it is all a blank canvas awaiting the first stroke. The beautiful thing I am beginning to see in my life is every moment is always the first stroke. Little by little there is nothing to be judgemental of because it is about movement of the brush and not the final masterpiece.
Sitting in the nothingness of the intellect is scary, sitting in the nothingness of the body feels free and expansive.
Closing in on ourselves stops the movement of life. This leads to life becoming stagnant, boredom, habituation and eventually dis-ease of the body. How do I know? Because I have been there.
I still get tempted to go back there when I get caught up in the story via the intellect and not the body. We are taught as a society to always 'know'. Know where we are going, know what we are doing, know the answers.
I for one am finding movement in the questions. A life in flow without stories of the past is not getting me more of what I had- it is allowing me to create what is truly meaningful moment by moment.
I went for a walk and allowed things to move within my body by breathing and staying with the mini tornado, knowing my body would stabilize the more I allowed my attention to stay with the process. Trusting my body to process the information as it would digest a banana.
I now know what I invite and create in my life is truly genius. All of it! I am embracing this process now because as I allow external experiences to trigger the energetic signature of a past experience within the cells of my body I am able to fully let go of 'the stories'. The stories of the past we tell ourselves and other people to recognize 'ourselves'. If we are not our past- who are we?
I am realizing I had no space inside of me to create anything new because the stories (experiences of the past) kept me on a treadmill creating the same thing over and over again for fear of 'loosing myself' as I let go of the past . Each experience was not the same from the outside but it felt the same on the inside. Nothing ever changed until the day I chose to breathe and let my body process the experience.
My body does not hold near the stories anymore but for the ones that it does I cleverly create experiences in my life to allow them to move and process. I don't fight this process anymore. I do not judge the situation, I simply embrace it and realize the truth of my imperfection.
There are still moments that I move into my intellect and without the stories I feel fear because nothing is recognizable. There are no guideposts of emotions from past events, no map to go back and keep repeating the same thing. It is all new, it is all a blank canvas awaiting the first stroke. The beautiful thing I am beginning to see in my life is every moment is always the first stroke. Little by little there is nothing to be judgemental of because it is about movement of the brush and not the final masterpiece.
Sitting in the nothingness of the intellect is scary, sitting in the nothingness of the body feels free and expansive.
Closing in on ourselves stops the movement of life. This leads to life becoming stagnant, boredom, habituation and eventually dis-ease of the body. How do I know? Because I have been there.
I still get tempted to go back there when I get caught up in the story via the intellect and not the body. We are taught as a society to always 'know'. Know where we are going, know what we are doing, know the answers.
I for one am finding movement in the questions. A life in flow without stories of the past is not getting me more of what I had- it is allowing me to create what is truly meaningful moment by moment.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Welcoming Intensity
Things have been brewing all week. I have stayed very much in the moment and not until today have I allowed myself to ponder what has been brewing.
In a conversation with Amy this morning and in reading Louise's Emerging Future's Blog things are surfacing. What is surfacing is my Intensity.
The difference between my perception of welcomed intensity and unwelcome intensity.
More and more often these days I am experiencing periods of intensity that feel like heaviness and denseness within my body. I have a new perception of what it means to be 'full of yourself'. Full of the very life force that exists in and around everything. Swirling, flowing, moving, waiting for the moment that I connect to the device that transmits it- my body! Today the intensity has increased. I have a feeling of seeing things around me differently. The words aren't free flowing yet which indicates I am still processing. I will come back to this later when the words are coming. No need to come back later here they come:
Density,buoyancy, intensity, lightness, stillness, movement, fullness, emptiness, vibration, aware of my crown chakra, slow rhythmic breathing, focused energy in my hands and feet. Aware of my body but aware more is existing outside of my body, a sense of connection, a vast connection beyond my own thoughts and feelings. A feeling of non-emotion but yet aware something is changing, altering the state I felt was my truth a few minutes ago. It almost feels like light headedness, everything is bright in my field of vision. Bottom of my feet are heavy, hot. I hear my children in the background as they play with their play dough, I wonder how long I will feel this and if they came to me in this moment would I move into the mother role or can I interact in this state? No fear just awareness of what is moving through my body in this moment. I am not the same, how do I know this? I just do. The amount of intensity that my body can hold and move just increased in this moment. I am SO AWAKE right now, awake to this moment and nothing else. I am going to go breathe... knowing there is always more.
In a conversation with Amy this morning and in reading Louise's Emerging Future's Blog things are surfacing. What is surfacing is my Intensity.
The difference between my perception of welcomed intensity and unwelcome intensity.
More and more often these days I am experiencing periods of intensity that feel like heaviness and denseness within my body. I have a new perception of what it means to be 'full of yourself'. Full of the very life force that exists in and around everything. Swirling, flowing, moving, waiting for the moment that I connect to the device that transmits it- my body! Today the intensity has increased. I have a feeling of seeing things around me differently. The words aren't free flowing yet which indicates I am still processing. I will come back to this later when the words are coming. No need to come back later here they come:
Density,buoyancy, intensity, lightness, stillness, movement, fullness, emptiness, vibration, aware of my crown chakra, slow rhythmic breathing, focused energy in my hands and feet. Aware of my body but aware more is existing outside of my body, a sense of connection, a vast connection beyond my own thoughts and feelings. A feeling of non-emotion but yet aware something is changing, altering the state I felt was my truth a few minutes ago. It almost feels like light headedness, everything is bright in my field of vision. Bottom of my feet are heavy, hot. I hear my children in the background as they play with their play dough, I wonder how long I will feel this and if they came to me in this moment would I move into the mother role or can I interact in this state? No fear just awareness of what is moving through my body in this moment. I am not the same, how do I know this? I just do. The amount of intensity that my body can hold and move just increased in this moment. I am SO AWAKE right now, awake to this moment and nothing else. I am going to go breathe... knowing there is always more.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Coming Home
When I was born I knew. I knew myself.
Along the path of life who I was was told to conform, listen to the voices outside myself and be patient. I learned quickly the rules, the dogma and the techniques that would allow me to 'fit in' and I would be celebrated for this.
This began my journey of walking away from myself. Walking away from the very being that spoke from a place of authenticity, my guide for maneuvering through this life by my own design.
I was often confused and felt like an outsider in my own life.
When my daughter was born and when I witnessed her Spirit I began the journey back to myself.
I thought since it had taken me 32 years to get here it would be a long tough road back. And still along the way I looked for something outside myself to mark that I was going the right way. What I have learned is the very experience of choosing to move back to myself was the only thing I needed for acceleration.
Awakening to no other purpose then to be is powerful. I was not able to journey here until now. Until I was able to know that where I am in this moment, where I was in the last moment and where I will be in the next moment is my Godforce/Spirit.
The Godforce that sings a different song (no better or worse) from others, just different. Other's voices are not my own, their truth's are an accumulation of their experience on their journey and mine are about my journey.
The awakening of being within my soul feels like coming home...coming home to myself.
No right or wrong, good or bad. No limitations besides the ones I choose for myself.
My truth is an experience not a philosophy. My life is an experience for being, choosing and allowing.We are taught the limitations of the physical body but they are only limitations if we say so. I am discovering the very limitations I held are the ones that are able to set me free as I allow myself to create and be.
Who am I and why am I here? These are 2 questions I have asked myself for many years And for many years the words of others sounded so beautiful but they were not my own. They resonated but still did not allow me to hear myself.
I watch in wonderment at the beauty in each moment as I stay present to myself. I can experience beauty far beyond what the eye can see.
If I believe what I can see is all there is, if I think what I hear is the only sound, if I believe the words I speak are the only truth then I have limited myself and this becomes my reality. I no longer choose this for myself so it no longer chooses me.
I have expanded to see all experiences have been meaningful even the ones I labelled as awful. I have expanded because the Wel-System Experiences www.Wel-Systems.com have allowed me to experience myself in a context free of dogma, techniques and guides. I have allowed me to choose me and to know every moment is my choice.
I have chosen to step out of the illusion that looking outside myself will bring me closer to myself because I have been here all along waiting patiently for the day I would turn around and see myself.
Along the path of life who I was was told to conform, listen to the voices outside myself and be patient. I learned quickly the rules, the dogma and the techniques that would allow me to 'fit in' and I would be celebrated for this.
This began my journey of walking away from myself. Walking away from the very being that spoke from a place of authenticity, my guide for maneuvering through this life by my own design.
I was often confused and felt like an outsider in my own life.
When my daughter was born and when I witnessed her Spirit I began the journey back to myself.
I thought since it had taken me 32 years to get here it would be a long tough road back. And still along the way I looked for something outside myself to mark that I was going the right way. What I have learned is the very experience of choosing to move back to myself was the only thing I needed for acceleration.
Awakening to no other purpose then to be is powerful. I was not able to journey here until now. Until I was able to know that where I am in this moment, where I was in the last moment and where I will be in the next moment is my Godforce/Spirit.
The Godforce that sings a different song (no better or worse) from others, just different. Other's voices are not my own, their truth's are an accumulation of their experience on their journey and mine are about my journey.
The awakening of being within my soul feels like coming home...coming home to myself.
No right or wrong, good or bad. No limitations besides the ones I choose for myself.
My truth is an experience not a philosophy. My life is an experience for being, choosing and allowing.We are taught the limitations of the physical body but they are only limitations if we say so. I am discovering the very limitations I held are the ones that are able to set me free as I allow myself to create and be.
Who am I and why am I here? These are 2 questions I have asked myself for many years And for many years the words of others sounded so beautiful but they were not my own. They resonated but still did not allow me to hear myself.
I watch in wonderment at the beauty in each moment as I stay present to myself. I can experience beauty far beyond what the eye can see.
If I believe what I can see is all there is, if I think what I hear is the only sound, if I believe the words I speak are the only truth then I have limited myself and this becomes my reality. I no longer choose this for myself so it no longer chooses me.
I have expanded to see all experiences have been meaningful even the ones I labelled as awful. I have expanded because the Wel-System Experiences www.Wel-Systems.com have allowed me to experience myself in a context free of dogma, techniques and guides. I have allowed me to choose me and to know every moment is my choice.
I have chosen to step out of the illusion that looking outside myself will bring me closer to myself because I have been here all along waiting patiently for the day I would turn around and see myself.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
I AM
I am done. I am new. I am me. I am okay. I am here.
I will not turn away from myself. I will live. I will not lay down. I will not fight. I will be. I will be more. I will cry. I will choose. I will be new. I feel free. I will allow. I will feel full. I will feel empty. I will say no. I will say yes. I will say nothing. I will RIG (Respect, Integrity and Generosity of Spirit) myself. I will RIG you. I will fall. I will fly. I will be real. I will float above. I will soar. I will crash. I will pick myself up. I will revel in the moment. I will want to skip moments. I will choose the easy way. I will choose the hard way. I will be aware I am judging myself when I judge others. I will say the right thing. I will say the wrong thing. I will create. I will feel nothing. I will allow in-difference. I will invite the questions. I will ask bigger questions. I will be new each moment. I will fall into your life. I will fall out of your life. I will see through new eyes. I will see through old eyes. I will laugh. I will scream. I will be FULLY ALIVE. I will not please. I will not die trying to be who I am NOT. I will not feel sorry for you. I will allow you to be you. I will allow the past to be the past. I will allow the future be the future. I will only choose in this moment. I will forget. I will remember. And in this next moment I may not want any of this and that's okay- because I said so!
At the end of the day I am a spiritual being having a human experience so I will learn as I go, honouring who I am and in turn I will be able to honour who you are because you allow me to see myself.
This is all mine and all of my choosing.
I will not turn away from myself. I will live. I will not lay down. I will not fight. I will be. I will be more. I will cry. I will choose. I will be new. I feel free. I will allow. I will feel full. I will feel empty. I will say no. I will say yes. I will say nothing. I will RIG (Respect, Integrity and Generosity of Spirit) myself. I will RIG you. I will fall. I will fly. I will be real. I will float above. I will soar. I will crash. I will pick myself up. I will revel in the moment. I will want to skip moments. I will choose the easy way. I will choose the hard way. I will be aware I am judging myself when I judge others. I will say the right thing. I will say the wrong thing. I will create. I will feel nothing. I will allow in-difference. I will invite the questions. I will ask bigger questions. I will be new each moment. I will fall into your life. I will fall out of your life. I will see through new eyes. I will see through old eyes. I will laugh. I will scream. I will be FULLY ALIVE. I will not please. I will not die trying to be who I am NOT. I will not feel sorry for you. I will allow you to be you. I will allow the past to be the past. I will allow the future be the future. I will only choose in this moment. I will forget. I will remember. And in this next moment I may not want any of this and that's okay- because I said so!
At the end of the day I am a spiritual being having a human experience so I will learn as I go, honouring who I am and in turn I will be able to honour who you are because you allow me to see myself.
This is all mine and all of my choosing.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Intimacy in Conversation
The emptiness, the fullness, the lightness and heaviness,the stillness with movement is my sensation of the calm after the storm. I am once again profoundly different then yesterday.
Yesterday was the chaos, the instability and agitation. When I owned it, stopped analysing it and made no excuses I was able to transform and profoundly change the internal landscape that who I AM calls home.
Today I moved through my day like a cloud floating in the sky. Aware that I was a cloud yet aware of so much more. I felt gentle and allowed that to flow through me today. I felt no judgements and the mind chatter would become silent as I found stillness in my body in the moment.
In conversations I was present but in a different way. I always felt to be present for others meant focusing on them. Today, being present to myself allowed me to have a more intimate engagement with the other person.
Focusing on myself and who I was today in my perception allowed others to focus on themselves while 'in' the conversation.
Again, this brings me back to the hunt as the metaphor for the conversation. When I make it about the conversation it becomes a conversation but when I am 'in' the conversation it becomes an intimate platform for magnificent 'exchange'.
Not bad for a day in the office- choosing myself and allowing intimacy to unfold 'in' the conversation.
Yesterday was the chaos, the instability and agitation. When I owned it, stopped analysing it and made no excuses I was able to transform and profoundly change the internal landscape that who I AM calls home.
Today I moved through my day like a cloud floating in the sky. Aware that I was a cloud yet aware of so much more. I felt gentle and allowed that to flow through me today. I felt no judgements and the mind chatter would become silent as I found stillness in my body in the moment.
In conversations I was present but in a different way. I always felt to be present for others meant focusing on them. Today, being present to myself allowed me to have a more intimate engagement with the other person.
Focusing on myself and who I was today in my perception allowed others to focus on themselves while 'in' the conversation.
Again, this brings me back to the hunt as the metaphor for the conversation. When I make it about the conversation it becomes a conversation but when I am 'in' the conversation it becomes an intimate platform for magnificent 'exchange'.
Not bad for a day in the office- choosing myself and allowing intimacy to unfold 'in' the conversation.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Living Large
Whooo hooo here comes my life...
I am experiencing sensations of restlessness and agitation surging through my body. My body is tired and I am feeling like going back into my hole! And the beauty is I know now it is all genius!
Sunday, as most of you know was Amy's Wel-Awakened Women's Potluck. I shared with her last night that I was able to see the day unfold from a different place and was able to watch her shine. I witnessed the Bold Vibration for Accelerated Change and the gentle/intense way she vibrated this into the room (and beyond).
Amy spoke (my perception of course) of the people on her holodeck moving quickly and becoming visible because she is moving quickly and is becoming visible. I heard this and understood it at an intellectual level but did not understand the magnitude of it until my body responded.
Monday I woke and felt as though I was pulled out of bed. I arrived at work and realised I did not have time to 'work'. I was booked for the morning and ALL my clients forgot their appointments (has never happened and yet I know I manifested this!)
I spent the morning rambling through emails, responding to the ones that called to me. I visited Facebook wrote on the WEL-Systems World and decided to update my profile status to- 'Naomi is upping the ante on living Authentically'.
I have spent many years keeping myself small and invisible. Flying under the radar was my trademark. If I began to rise I would create something to enable me to go back under the radar.
So when I updated my status I knew this was NOT flying under the radar but I did it anyway, in fact, I thought to myself 'bring it on'. And bring it on I did- I had responses from 5 people wanting to know what I was doing and what I meant. I put myself out there and the momentum has been accelerating ever since. I have been busy responding to emails and having conversations about what it means for me to live Authentically.
I am holding my first Women of Intensity Gathering at my office February 22nd, I have another workshop booked for March and this is only the beginning. I have no expectation of an outcome. My life is becoming more about being 'in the hunt' then the hunt itself! By allowing mySelf to emerge in everyday life I will be visible when it calls to be visible and when it calls to fly under the radar this is what I will do. No more will the fear of living large dictate my actions. I am now aware that living small was a strategy in my life and not who I AM!
This is definitely creating chaos in my body, hence the tired, agitated, restless state...but with chaos comes needed change! Bring it on!
PS I just spoke with Amy and she is accelerating at warp speed. She will be on the National tonight!...and here comes my life again!
Stay tuned...
I am experiencing sensations of restlessness and agitation surging through my body. My body is tired and I am feeling like going back into my hole! And the beauty is I know now it is all genius!
Sunday, as most of you know was Amy's Wel-Awakened Women's Potluck. I shared with her last night that I was able to see the day unfold from a different place and was able to watch her shine. I witnessed the Bold Vibration for Accelerated Change and the gentle/intense way she vibrated this into the room (and beyond).
Amy spoke (my perception of course) of the people on her holodeck moving quickly and becoming visible because she is moving quickly and is becoming visible. I heard this and understood it at an intellectual level but did not understand the magnitude of it until my body responded.
Monday I woke and felt as though I was pulled out of bed. I arrived at work and realised I did not have time to 'work'. I was booked for the morning and ALL my clients forgot their appointments (has never happened and yet I know I manifested this!)
I spent the morning rambling through emails, responding to the ones that called to me. I visited Facebook wrote on the WEL-Systems World and decided to update my profile status to- 'Naomi is upping the ante on living Authentically'.
I have spent many years keeping myself small and invisible. Flying under the radar was my trademark. If I began to rise I would create something to enable me to go back under the radar.
So when I updated my status I knew this was NOT flying under the radar but I did it anyway, in fact, I thought to myself 'bring it on'. And bring it on I did- I had responses from 5 people wanting to know what I was doing and what I meant. I put myself out there and the momentum has been accelerating ever since. I have been busy responding to emails and having conversations about what it means for me to live Authentically.
I am holding my first Women of Intensity Gathering at my office February 22nd, I have another workshop booked for March and this is only the beginning. I have no expectation of an outcome. My life is becoming more about being 'in the hunt' then the hunt itself! By allowing mySelf to emerge in everyday life I will be visible when it calls to be visible and when it calls to fly under the radar this is what I will do. No more will the fear of living large dictate my actions. I am now aware that living small was a strategy in my life and not who I AM!
This is definitely creating chaos in my body, hence the tired, agitated, restless state...but with chaos comes needed change! Bring it on!
PS I just spoke with Amy and she is accelerating at warp speed. She will be on the National tonight!...and here comes my life again!
Stay tuned...
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Powerfully Awake
I am truly in awe at the intensity and speed with which my life is unfolding on a daily basis.
I had a sense today that I have always' known' but somewhere along the way the path got dark, I became fearful and I didn't trust that life was what I said it was to be.
I began to walk slowly and carefully looking to external markers for my guidance and cues that I was heading in the 'right' direction.
The light got dimmer and dimmer and sometimes I would stop fearful that I was lost. I would call out and I would hear voices other then my own. But no matter how much I listened and followed I never felt as though I was going in the right direction. The box began to get smaller and smaller so I eventually stopped and began to live the same habituated pattern feeling powerless and waiting for someone else to save me from myself!
Seated at the table with 12 other magnificent women in the Wel-System program room this weekend I realised that in 6 short months I have found my way home. The voices I hear are mine and mine alone. The light emanating from the Essence of who I am is lighting the way. The fear is gone, enabling me to live in this moment and create the life I choose.
I also know the light is growing stronger as I look at the other women choosing to know they are 'The One'. Together we are standing strong in the sense of urgency that comes from needing and wanting to engage with one an other. Each one of us a unique form of expression in a physical universe.
I marvel to think of the light as a group we are now emanating to the world. Lighting the way for people to awaken and choose themselves as 'The One' for their own lives. No more victims, just powerful awakened women creating a life that is truly meaningful!
I sit here this evening, no struggle, no drama, just a sensation of space that fills my body, space for mySelf in this moment, because this is what I choose for ME! Who knows what the next moment will bring but again I get to choose. When was the last time you stopped, took a breath and decided what is right for you in the moment and go from there? A life by your own design has no limitations.
My deep appreciation and heartfelt Rig to all those sitting with me in presence and Spirit this past weekend. I know once again my life has profoundly changed. Looking forward to many more conversations to come!
I had a sense today that I have always' known' but somewhere along the way the path got dark, I became fearful and I didn't trust that life was what I said it was to be.
I began to walk slowly and carefully looking to external markers for my guidance and cues that I was heading in the 'right' direction.
The light got dimmer and dimmer and sometimes I would stop fearful that I was lost. I would call out and I would hear voices other then my own. But no matter how much I listened and followed I never felt as though I was going in the right direction. The box began to get smaller and smaller so I eventually stopped and began to live the same habituated pattern feeling powerless and waiting for someone else to save me from myself!
Seated at the table with 12 other magnificent women in the Wel-System program room this weekend I realised that in 6 short months I have found my way home. The voices I hear are mine and mine alone. The light emanating from the Essence of who I am is lighting the way. The fear is gone, enabling me to live in this moment and create the life I choose.
I also know the light is growing stronger as I look at the other women choosing to know they are 'The One'. Together we are standing strong in the sense of urgency that comes from needing and wanting to engage with one an other. Each one of us a unique form of expression in a physical universe.
I marvel to think of the light as a group we are now emanating to the world. Lighting the way for people to awaken and choose themselves as 'The One' for their own lives. No more victims, just powerful awakened women creating a life that is truly meaningful!
I sit here this evening, no struggle, no drama, just a sensation of space that fills my body, space for mySelf in this moment, because this is what I choose for ME! Who knows what the next moment will bring but again I get to choose. When was the last time you stopped, took a breath and decided what is right for you in the moment and go from there? A life by your own design has no limitations.
My deep appreciation and heartfelt Rig to all those sitting with me in presence and Spirit this past weekend. I know once again my life has profoundly changed. Looking forward to many more conversations to come!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
No Title
I sit here not sure what is going to come on this screen and okay with the thought of that!
I have began so many blogs in the past week but everytime I came back to them I realised they did not represent who I AM anymore. But now I see all those beginnings have created the space for who I AM now in this moment.
I stand in yet another very different place in my life then I even did yesterday. The wave I moved through last night in front of a client has opened a space so wide in my body it can't possibly exist in my physical body. I am just sitting here no thoughts are 'swimming' around as they usually are when I write. I have moved into a place of not needing... not needing to be told I am doing a good job, not needing to be right, not needing to have the presence of another to make me alright, just not needing because I KNOW I am alright.
I feel anchored in my body. I have never experienced this heavy but light feeling before. I have recently experienced the full but empty feeling. Now I am full but empty and heavy but light. I am full of who I AM but empty of the 'story', I am heavy, grounded into this moment but light knowing that I am always More if I embrace the lightness of movement.
This is all I have to say in this moment. For I have already changed.
I have began so many blogs in the past week but everytime I came back to them I realised they did not represent who I AM anymore. But now I see all those beginnings have created the space for who I AM now in this moment.
I stand in yet another very different place in my life then I even did yesterday. The wave I moved through last night in front of a client has opened a space so wide in my body it can't possibly exist in my physical body. I am just sitting here no thoughts are 'swimming' around as they usually are when I write. I have moved into a place of not needing... not needing to be told I am doing a good job, not needing to be right, not needing to have the presence of another to make me alright, just not needing because I KNOW I am alright.
I feel anchored in my body. I have never experienced this heavy but light feeling before. I have recently experienced the full but empty feeling. Now I am full but empty and heavy but light. I am full of who I AM but empty of the 'story', I am heavy, grounded into this moment but light knowing that I am always More if I embrace the lightness of movement.
This is all I have to say in this moment. For I have already changed.
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