I read every word of 3 powerful emails that Koreen, Amy and Marie wrote as they honestly claimed the truth of their experience. As I read, I felt info move throughout my whole body- I felt inspired. I feel So grateful in this moment for all of you and especially for mySelf as I keep showing up in my own life one moment at a time, reveling in ALL of it.
So much is coming into my awareness right now. As I read your words Koreen what popped for me was the conversation I want to have with women about how we are unable to show up in our own lives when we make our lives about showing up for another person. More specifically for me, when I showed up 'for' my kids/work they become the very distraction from what moved deep within ME!
We keep perpetuating this cycle and wonder why we have so much guilt as mothers/business owners when we finally want to do something for ourselves. It shakes our foundation to the core when we have spent a lifetime making our life about somebody/something else.
This is what is flowing for me right now because this week I was able to see how much my business has defined my self worth for SO long! When I wasn't living my life for my kids, I was living it to fix others and have them perceive me as great, successful, competent etc.
Well this week I finally SHOWED UP! I held info sessions for all my clients who chose to take part and moved through the experience of being completely Decloaked in front of those who have seen me as someone else for the past 12 years! On Tues I had a lot of info moving through me even as I sat in front of my first small group of women. I allowed myself to be open, clear, honest and direct with all of them and realized I was finally ready to SHOW UP completely in my own life!
My life has been a whirlwind ever since! I have been creating SO many more people on my holodeck who are willing to show up in their own life because I have become willing to show up for mine. I am no longer willing to live my life for anybody else and after allowing myself to move through it and claim it, I know there is NOTHING I can't move through because it is ALL allowing me to discover more of my potential.
Someone asked me the other day if I felt responsible for what happens to people after their Experiences with me. I was again able to see MY EXPERIENCE IS ALL ABOUT ME AND THEIR EXPERIENCE IS ALL ABOUT THEM! It is SOOO FREEING for both of us because in that second that we both show up we realize we are the creators of our own reality- nobody else!! The truth of my experience has become the portal for others to begin to get curious about what potential lies within their truth- expressed to themselves!
In one week my schedule will no longer be about accommodating anybody else. It will be mine to claim and to allow what is right for me moment to moment. I will be able to determine- do I want to do Massage today, do I want to create/facilitate a program, do I want to be at home, do I want to go for tea with friends, do I want to write, teach a yoga class or take a yoga class? I have never ALLOWED my self worth to be completely created from inside me- until NOW!
The beauty of my experience is I now get to be the invitation for something to awaken in another as I claim this experience for myself! The only difference now is that my self worth comes from inside and if I exhale I allow it to radiate out for other lives to be touched! The experience I now have in my body is- it is more painful to remain a bud then to blossom into a beautiful flower.
I am looking to create many VERY different conversations with myself and looking to expand on them with others willing to discover more about the truth of their own experience. No work, just excitement in the discovery!!!
Life becomes static when controlled by dogma, rules, boundaries and expectations of others...Life becomes MORE when we discover the more that we are moment to moment .
The time for me is NOW... When I was finally able to acknowledge that I was the only one in my own life to decide when and how I reclaimed my life, EVERYTHING changed and continues to!
Ask yourself what and who are you waiting for to live fully and vibrantly everyday? If this creates agitation,fear, excitement etc within your body take a deep breath and relax into the sensation because you have just taken the first step on your journey to your Authentic self.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Embracing the Genius
Ahhhh....I feel as though I am in the stillpoint of my life today. It is a rainy morning and I am cuddled up with my tea and a blanket. I am pausing this week. I am engaging myself and creating the space to allow my body and intellect to catch up to the acceleration in who I have become.
I just
I got together with an AMAZING group of women and spent a FABULOUS weekend engaged in conversation, laughter and tears. I haven't seen most of the women in over a year and yet I was able to share who I Am in this moment with each of them. It really felt as though space and time collapsed and the Essence that each one of us carries was able to shine through in the moment without the stories from the past filling the space. It was a beautiful experience.
I have a lot of information in my awareness today. If I were to remove every person from my world and sit in the sensations that were triggered in my body over the weekend I have a feeling I will know myself better by the end of this blog.
If nobody exists within me and if I am not the fixer of others and their lives, who do I need to be 'strong' for and why do I feel as though I don't have the strength to go through experiences? What does strength mean to me? Do I need strength to protect the illusion that I am safe in my world?
If I Am the one in my world and I get to show up every moment of my life, I need nothing more then to know then I am safe to inhale my potential of discovering the more that I Am, make a choice honoring the discovery, exhaling and letting the past experiences move to create space for the new evolution. In this process the step towards my Authentic journey has begun. Each breath becomes the step. Nothing to be strong for, nothing to protect. Surrendering my intellect to my body, relaxing into the sensations without putting labels on them. They are what they are. I will be less likely to honor myself if I put labels (guilt, hurt, pain, anxiety etc) on what information needs to move in my body in order to create the new thoughts that come with insights when info (emotions and sensations) moves in my body.
If I create my world then I am the only one in my world. If I am the only one in my world I need nothing other then what lives inside of me in this moment. I will not create this moment to be anything other then what 'I' need to move THROUGH (not around) to get closer to the core of who I Am. I am realizing I knew all this at the different layers that have already peeled away but I am experiencing myself VERY differently the last few days so I know have a new understanding of what I already knew.
As I am able to see myself differently I am seeing others in my life differently.
I read something this morning that allowed me to see why honoring myself in the moment is SO important to me now...
"When I forsake my genius and speak to you as though I were another, I also speak to you as someone you are not and somewhere you are not. I address you as audience, and do not expect you to respond as the genius you are." - Finite and Infinite Games
I am genius and you are genius. If we can stay present to that in conversation we will both discover the more that we are in each others presence. I have lived both the genius and 'not that' and my life has accelerated exponentially since embracing myself as genius!I look forward to discovering the more that I Am now in each breath.
I just
I got together with an AMAZING group of women and spent a FABULOUS weekend engaged in conversation, laughter and tears. I haven't seen most of the women in over a year and yet I was able to share who I Am in this moment with each of them. It really felt as though space and time collapsed and the Essence that each one of us carries was able to shine through in the moment without the stories from the past filling the space. It was a beautiful experience.
I have a lot of information in my awareness today. If I were to remove every person from my world and sit in the sensations that were triggered in my body over the weekend I have a feeling I will know myself better by the end of this blog.
If nobody exists within me and if I am not the fixer of others and their lives, who do I need to be 'strong' for and why do I feel as though I don't have the strength to go through experiences? What does strength mean to me? Do I need strength to protect the illusion that I am safe in my world?
If I Am the one in my world and I get to show up every moment of my life, I need nothing more then to know then I am safe to inhale my potential of discovering the more that I Am, make a choice honoring the discovery, exhaling and letting the past experiences move to create space for the new evolution. In this process the step towards my Authentic journey has begun. Each breath becomes the step. Nothing to be strong for, nothing to protect. Surrendering my intellect to my body, relaxing into the sensations without putting labels on them. They are what they are. I will be less likely to honor myself if I put labels (guilt, hurt, pain, anxiety etc) on what information needs to move in my body in order to create the new thoughts that come with insights when info (emotions and sensations) moves in my body.
If I create my world then I am the only one in my world. If I am the only one in my world I need nothing other then what lives inside of me in this moment. I will not create this moment to be anything other then what 'I' need to move THROUGH (not around) to get closer to the core of who I Am. I am realizing I knew all this at the different layers that have already peeled away but I am experiencing myself VERY differently the last few days so I know have a new understanding of what I already knew.
As I am able to see myself differently I am seeing others in my life differently.
I read something this morning that allowed me to see why honoring myself in the moment is SO important to me now...
"When I forsake my genius and speak to you as though I were another, I also speak to you as someone you are not and somewhere you are not. I address you as audience, and do not expect you to respond as the genius you are." - Finite and Infinite Games
I am genius and you are genius. If we can stay present to that in conversation we will both discover the more that we are in each others presence. I have lived both the genius and 'not that' and my life has accelerated exponentially since embracing myself as genius!I look forward to discovering the more that I Am now in each breath.
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