As I sat in my home today and looked out at the fresh blanket of snow I felt peaceful and calm. There is something magical about living here with 20 acres of space surrounding me.
The peacefulness and calmness I began to realise in that moment was superficial, not bad, but superficial. Somewhere in the depths of my Being I felt a restlessness arising mixing with the calmness, the sensation began feeling more like a force. The only way I can describe this force is a deep, swirling dancing motion that feels all consuming and calming in the same breath.
My intellect wanted to grab hold to suffocate this force by asking questions like: 'why can't you appreciate all the things you have worked for and just live simply? Don't complicate things- you have everything you could ever want. You just can't be satisfied..no matter what!'
Not needing to know where those voices from the past originated I took a breath and settled into the force within my body just long enough before I heard 'mom what's for dinner'. I wanted to stay there for a second longer and then it occurred to me I could remain here because it was ME not just a sensation. Big Breath here- imagine ME just being ME! No need to hold onto a sensation just owning it and claiming it as the force that I am.
I can live simply, whatever moves me in this moment is SIMPLE. It may not be the Websters dictionary definition or the nominalization of simple but it will be my simple for that moment. The moment I look at something that would appear daunting to my intellect I can know it is simple for me in that moment by the way my body responds! The genius is I am simple in an unconventional way- MY way!!! Oh my it really is My way- letting this settle in for a moment.
Not your way, not my family's way... mine all mine. I guess I will have to rethink my response when my kids say 'mine, all mine'.
There's that Force again!!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
The Time is Now
The time is now! It is time to wake up and to look at the life I have been creating for the past 31 years. How does this sit in my body- what are the sensations? There is urgency- tomorrow may be too late, but is today too soon?
Last evening my body was tired and I found my mind happily taking charge and the conversation went- what are you doing Naomi, who do you think you are, people are beginning to ask where the 'old' Naomi went, what is your life going to look like without the stories and the drama you use to conjure up?
Today my body is rested and my mind has not been invited to play and the conversation is much different- one breath at a time, allowing life to unfold and listening to my body I have the sense I don't need to know what my life is going to 'look' like. As long as I show up in my life as the vibration of who I am life will meet me where I am instead of me trying to meet it in some place that my mind has created as a place that 'looks' good .
Trying to look productive while life is unfolding has been a means in which to compare and sometimes torture myself into believing I am worth it. Not only am I worth it but I am no longer willing to be anything but the vibration I am to make someone else feel comfortable. Big shoes- but I have Big feet!!
The softness, the strength, the voice, the silence, all these the Essence of who I am and it is all here- all of it my choosing- freeing choice moment by moment.
How can I commit to someone or something if the commitment to myself, to be mySelf, does not exist? The commitment to be mySelf in this moment and to embrace moving on when it calls.
The leader I was seeking has been here all along I just needed to shine my light on it.
The wings I was looking for have emerged and they are more beautiful then anything I could have imagined. The cliff I am standing at the edge of does not look so daunting knowing the wings I had at birth have been growing with me all along but I chose to tuck them safely away so I didn't feel 'different'. What I didn't realise was I was meant to FLY! Walking along the ground feels limiting- who knew?
Now that I see mySelf I see you and it feels wonderful!
Last evening my body was tired and I found my mind happily taking charge and the conversation went- what are you doing Naomi, who do you think you are, people are beginning to ask where the 'old' Naomi went, what is your life going to look like without the stories and the drama you use to conjure up?
Today my body is rested and my mind has not been invited to play and the conversation is much different- one breath at a time, allowing life to unfold and listening to my body I have the sense I don't need to know what my life is going to 'look' like. As long as I show up in my life as the vibration of who I am life will meet me where I am instead of me trying to meet it in some place that my mind has created as a place that 'looks' good .
Trying to look productive while life is unfolding has been a means in which to compare and sometimes torture myself into believing I am worth it. Not only am I worth it but I am no longer willing to be anything but the vibration I am to make someone else feel comfortable. Big shoes- but I have Big feet!!
The softness, the strength, the voice, the silence, all these the Essence of who I am and it is all here- all of it my choosing- freeing choice moment by moment.
How can I commit to someone or something if the commitment to myself, to be mySelf, does not exist? The commitment to be mySelf in this moment and to embrace moving on when it calls.
The leader I was seeking has been here all along I just needed to shine my light on it.
The wings I was looking for have emerged and they are more beautiful then anything I could have imagined. The cliff I am standing at the edge of does not look so daunting knowing the wings I had at birth have been growing with me all along but I chose to tuck them safely away so I didn't feel 'different'. What I didn't realise was I was meant to FLY! Walking along the ground feels limiting- who knew?
Now that I see mySelf I see you and it feels wonderful!
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