The last line of my last blog has left me curious. I went back and re-read Test Driving and realized the 'explanation' for me has been an obstacle. No more explanation of me or what I do or what I am reading. If you want to know about it read the book yourself. What am I trying to defend? what does my cultural conditioning say about being right and doing things the right way? Why does my way need to be the right way? Whoo a lot to pay attention to.
I am so passionate about how I feel and the courses I take I have been trying to spurt out information when I know it's not about the information but rather the experience of the conversation. One person's insight that leads to another persons discovery about themselves.
In my profession of Massage I always felt responsible to "fix" someones problem. Let this go Naomi. Be who you are and let go of the notion of "fixing" because it will get you more of what you have got and right now this is not what you want.
I don't want to be responsible for "fixing" problems. I enjoyed this for a long time and it gave me what I thought was a great sense of purpose. My purpose does not lie here anymore.
My interest lies here in between these words. The vibration of the space between these words.
I carry within me a Spirit that will not give up on the world and a Spirit that knows I can be the messenger of information I now know. For the experience that will arise, not for self-serving purposes because I know who I Am- do you want to know who You are and what journey you are on?
I am allowing mySelf to be the instrument for something larger- much larger!!! I don't know what it means right now but I know it is the right direction! No second guessing.
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3 comments:
I always love reading your blogs:) And I see myself in alot of them..this one especially. When I first discovered this body of knowledge I wanted to convince everyone of it so I would feel better being in it..and so others would except me being in it. But what I discovered is that its just about being it and thats it. My old self always needed approval and safety to be me..and that never seemed to come from how I was approaching it. I almost felt selfish in a weird way to just be it and not share it at the time. The conversations that I can have around caregiving and soon..nursing will be my passion of being it....and these traditional types of "fix" them jobs are great spaces for self and for them. I thought about going into massage therapy myself....I feel that massage is one of the best medicines..more so then what any hospital can do. I know before...when I thought I was victim to my body...I would have loved to have deeper conversations about it. I am finding too with my current job, I don't talk about the process but I am being the process...and that is the best form of helping. Its taken me a long time to know this and be this..and its still on going. Sometimes it feels meaningful for me to share more of what goes on inside of me with some people...and some think I might be strange...or "wonderfully wierd" as my boyfriend calls me!!lol but thats ok.....they at least know that they can have a different type of conversation if they ever feel pulled too. Massage therapy helps integrate and move the conditioning and experiences we have....its probably the one thing besides conversation that really goes with the natural processes of the body. Anyways....felt pulled to engage. I am glad your on my holodeck:)
Your blog held a lot of resonance fro me especially trying to 'fix' people but for me it was through nutrition.
And now...I know something different.
hugs,
Amy
This blog is pulling me...knowing that I just be mySELF moment to moment, and allowing huge space for myself, has brought me to a place where people are showing up not to be "fixed" rather to reveal that they have been "victimized" (very different then thinking they are a "victim"). And wanting to be "free" from it all, to live a full, meaningful and fun life of their own choosing.
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