Beyond the stillness of my home tonight, I know, women are desperately searching as I had been searching months ago.
My search was for something I knew for some time to be missing in my life- Connection to Self.
I am happy, no, overjoyed to declare the search has finally ended. I know as I sit here tonight, within my body, the journey to find what I thought had been missing has been here all along and the journey to get here has simply been one of letting go and engaging the force that flows through my body-my unique signal in the world.
I am ready to Emerge and speak only to the Godforce that we ALL are. I am ready to engage the signal that I know each of us carries. I am ready to risk offending others to stay true to myself. I am ready to see the expression you are in me, allowing this to reveal more to me about mySelf. I Am ready to do this and be unapologetic because I know the power within the journey and I Am ready to go into the dark places because I have been there and I Am not afraid anymore!
Along this journey I have stopped and started. I have experienced such incredible fear it allowed me to go back into my intellect and react from default. I have had periods of forgetting who I Am. I have resisted change. I have questioned my worthiness, value and strength. I have experienced confusion and chaos. I have been willing to allow others with the spark in there eye to stay asleep for the fear of stirring up in them what I didn't think I could face stirring up in me. I have tried to hold on to others when it was clear they were not willing to do what it takes to reclaim their life.
In the face of all this I sit here tonight alive and knowing the pure and utter genius in it ALL. These moments have all been part of my journey back home- to Self! Each unfolding moment as I relaxed into it was allowing a stronger connection to Self and an opportunity to be more alive and awake to my own life then EVER before.
Tonight as I sit here I am aware that I am no longer able to fear the unknown. The map I hold in front of me is blank and it is waiting for me to take my first, second, third step etc. in order for it to be one of true discovery- not from my past but the absolute unknown of the future, moment by moment, breath by breath. Discovering new territory within mySelf- allowing self evolution to continue.
I know with the blank map I will still stumble on familiar ground from long ago but as I keep moving it will not need to be re-experienced, simply let go of. As I keep moving through the known I will find areas never discovered within mySelf and I will experience mySelf differently. This may change my direction but nonetheless it will be in these moments that I will be propelled forward leaping over the mountain and instead of climbing it with rigor and discipline, I will leap over it with ease and acceleration.
It is my map and my journey so I know the steps I choose to take are of my choosing. The force within my body cues the steps and allows the intellect to choose left, right or straight ahead. It is only when I listen to voices outside mySelf that I get lead off course. Becoming true to mySelf is what I now experience as the Authentic journey that allows more of the the expanding presence of Godforce to be present and available to me every moment!
It truly is a joy to be Alive and Engaging as and with the Godforce and knowing this has the power to change the WORLD!
Standing alone, together, will be the collective force to design a world of our choosing...Are you willing to do what it takes to stand alone and connect to the most powerful force in the world?- YOU! Allow yourself to ponder this and allow this sensation to lead you to the big questions in your own life! It continues to do so for me!!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Life is magical when we Allow OurSelves to be Found
4 days after Manifesting and the words are just beginning to connect to my signal that is in full flow through my body.
No more searching, no more seeking, just allowing myself to be found.
The pieces of the puzzle that I have been gathering in front of me over the past 8 months became a beautiful collage of my life on day 5 of Manifesting.
Once I marvelled in the beauty of my life and saw how one piece fit meticulously together with the other I was finally able to 'see' my life and the magnificence of my imperfections.
I was then able to let go- I let go of the life I 'have' lived so the image of the collage could become blank again and I could begin to choose and create based on this moment rather then the past.
Every day allowing mySelf to wake and bask in the sunshine of my own life as the unique signal that I am in the world and asking mySelf what it is that I choose to do today.
No longer do I walk backwards into the future using the past as a familiar guide.
I have chosen to turn around and look up to the expression that I Am in this Universe and allow this moment to be the platform for the next!
The image that pops for me is one of me being a little girl looking up to the sky and asking mySelf- "what do I want to do?" No external referencing, early family systems had not yet had it's firm grip around my life...nothing to do but BE!
The circle completed itself last Saturday and I am once again looking up to the sky and asking mySelf "what do I choose today?"
Everyday allowing myself to be found by an expression more magical then it was in the last breath.
My life, my choices, my song to sing for myself or out loud for the world to hear.
Thank you Louise for creating the playground for us to safely explore and be found by a force I truly didn't know could exist on this plane.
Thank you Lisa, your presence and words have such a deep resonance and connect at a level that vibrates my entire being.
Thank you Lucy, your essence is still present within me even across the miles.
Thank you Cathy, your vibrancy for life allowed me to connect with the part of you that is an aspect of myself.
My body is soft, my breath is free and I am simply able to 'be' me for the first time since I was a child.
I look forward to waking tomorrow and allowing myself to feel the pulsating life force flowing through my body knowing and trusting my life is one of my design- not by planning but by allowing the flow to move the wave in my body in which I breathe and relax into, make a choice and take a step. If I allow this process to repeat 100 times in a day I have moved 100 steps closer to 'home'.
No more searching, no more seeking, just allowing myself to be found.
The pieces of the puzzle that I have been gathering in front of me over the past 8 months became a beautiful collage of my life on day 5 of Manifesting.
Once I marvelled in the beauty of my life and saw how one piece fit meticulously together with the other I was finally able to 'see' my life and the magnificence of my imperfections.
I was then able to let go- I let go of the life I 'have' lived so the image of the collage could become blank again and I could begin to choose and create based on this moment rather then the past.
Every day allowing mySelf to wake and bask in the sunshine of my own life as the unique signal that I am in the world and asking mySelf what it is that I choose to do today.
No longer do I walk backwards into the future using the past as a familiar guide.
I have chosen to turn around and look up to the expression that I Am in this Universe and allow this moment to be the platform for the next!
The image that pops for me is one of me being a little girl looking up to the sky and asking mySelf- "what do I want to do?" No external referencing, early family systems had not yet had it's firm grip around my life...nothing to do but BE!
The circle completed itself last Saturday and I am once again looking up to the sky and asking mySelf "what do I choose today?"
Everyday allowing myself to be found by an expression more magical then it was in the last breath.
My life, my choices, my song to sing for myself or out loud for the world to hear.
Thank you Louise for creating the playground for us to safely explore and be found by a force I truly didn't know could exist on this plane.
Thank you Lisa, your presence and words have such a deep resonance and connect at a level that vibrates my entire being.
Thank you Lucy, your essence is still present within me even across the miles.
Thank you Cathy, your vibrancy for life allowed me to connect with the part of you that is an aspect of myself.
My body is soft, my breath is free and I am simply able to 'be' me for the first time since I was a child.
I look forward to waking tomorrow and allowing myself to feel the pulsating life force flowing through my body knowing and trusting my life is one of my design- not by planning but by allowing the flow to move the wave in my body in which I breathe and relax into, make a choice and take a step. If I allow this process to repeat 100 times in a day I have moved 100 steps closer to 'home'.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
No Longer My Past
I began a blog several hours ago after reading Lisa's latest entry http://ljweiss.wordpress.com but things were moving too fast within my body for me to capture anything with words.
I went for a walk and allowed things to move within my body by breathing and staying with the mini tornado, knowing my body would stabilize the more I allowed my attention to stay with the process. Trusting my body to process the information as it would digest a banana.
I now know what I invite and create in my life is truly genius. All of it! I am embracing this process now because as I allow external experiences to trigger the energetic signature of a past experience within the cells of my body I am able to fully let go of 'the stories'. The stories of the past we tell ourselves and other people to recognize 'ourselves'. If we are not our past- who are we?
I am realizing I had no space inside of me to create anything new because the stories (experiences of the past) kept me on a treadmill creating the same thing over and over again for fear of 'loosing myself' as I let go of the past . Each experience was not the same from the outside but it felt the same on the inside. Nothing ever changed until the day I chose to breathe and let my body process the experience.
My body does not hold near the stories anymore but for the ones that it does I cleverly create experiences in my life to allow them to move and process. I don't fight this process anymore. I do not judge the situation, I simply embrace it and realize the truth of my imperfection.
There are still moments that I move into my intellect and without the stories I feel fear because nothing is recognizable. There are no guideposts of emotions from past events, no map to go back and keep repeating the same thing. It is all new, it is all a blank canvas awaiting the first stroke. The beautiful thing I am beginning to see in my life is every moment is always the first stroke. Little by little there is nothing to be judgemental of because it is about movement of the brush and not the final masterpiece.
Sitting in the nothingness of the intellect is scary, sitting in the nothingness of the body feels free and expansive.
Closing in on ourselves stops the movement of life. This leads to life becoming stagnant, boredom, habituation and eventually dis-ease of the body. How do I know? Because I have been there.
I still get tempted to go back there when I get caught up in the story via the intellect and not the body. We are taught as a society to always 'know'. Know where we are going, know what we are doing, know the answers.
I for one am finding movement in the questions. A life in flow without stories of the past is not getting me more of what I had- it is allowing me to create what is truly meaningful moment by moment.
I went for a walk and allowed things to move within my body by breathing and staying with the mini tornado, knowing my body would stabilize the more I allowed my attention to stay with the process. Trusting my body to process the information as it would digest a banana.
I now know what I invite and create in my life is truly genius. All of it! I am embracing this process now because as I allow external experiences to trigger the energetic signature of a past experience within the cells of my body I am able to fully let go of 'the stories'. The stories of the past we tell ourselves and other people to recognize 'ourselves'. If we are not our past- who are we?
I am realizing I had no space inside of me to create anything new because the stories (experiences of the past) kept me on a treadmill creating the same thing over and over again for fear of 'loosing myself' as I let go of the past . Each experience was not the same from the outside but it felt the same on the inside. Nothing ever changed until the day I chose to breathe and let my body process the experience.
My body does not hold near the stories anymore but for the ones that it does I cleverly create experiences in my life to allow them to move and process. I don't fight this process anymore. I do not judge the situation, I simply embrace it and realize the truth of my imperfection.
There are still moments that I move into my intellect and without the stories I feel fear because nothing is recognizable. There are no guideposts of emotions from past events, no map to go back and keep repeating the same thing. It is all new, it is all a blank canvas awaiting the first stroke. The beautiful thing I am beginning to see in my life is every moment is always the first stroke. Little by little there is nothing to be judgemental of because it is about movement of the brush and not the final masterpiece.
Sitting in the nothingness of the intellect is scary, sitting in the nothingness of the body feels free and expansive.
Closing in on ourselves stops the movement of life. This leads to life becoming stagnant, boredom, habituation and eventually dis-ease of the body. How do I know? Because I have been there.
I still get tempted to go back there when I get caught up in the story via the intellect and not the body. We are taught as a society to always 'know'. Know where we are going, know what we are doing, know the answers.
I for one am finding movement in the questions. A life in flow without stories of the past is not getting me more of what I had- it is allowing me to create what is truly meaningful moment by moment.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Welcoming Intensity
Things have been brewing all week. I have stayed very much in the moment and not until today have I allowed myself to ponder what has been brewing.
In a conversation with Amy this morning and in reading Louise's Emerging Future's Blog things are surfacing. What is surfacing is my Intensity.
The difference between my perception of welcomed intensity and unwelcome intensity.
More and more often these days I am experiencing periods of intensity that feel like heaviness and denseness within my body. I have a new perception of what it means to be 'full of yourself'. Full of the very life force that exists in and around everything. Swirling, flowing, moving, waiting for the moment that I connect to the device that transmits it- my body! Today the intensity has increased. I have a feeling of seeing things around me differently. The words aren't free flowing yet which indicates I am still processing. I will come back to this later when the words are coming. No need to come back later here they come:
Density,buoyancy, intensity, lightness, stillness, movement, fullness, emptiness, vibration, aware of my crown chakra, slow rhythmic breathing, focused energy in my hands and feet. Aware of my body but aware more is existing outside of my body, a sense of connection, a vast connection beyond my own thoughts and feelings. A feeling of non-emotion but yet aware something is changing, altering the state I felt was my truth a few minutes ago. It almost feels like light headedness, everything is bright in my field of vision. Bottom of my feet are heavy, hot. I hear my children in the background as they play with their play dough, I wonder how long I will feel this and if they came to me in this moment would I move into the mother role or can I interact in this state? No fear just awareness of what is moving through my body in this moment. I am not the same, how do I know this? I just do. The amount of intensity that my body can hold and move just increased in this moment. I am SO AWAKE right now, awake to this moment and nothing else. I am going to go breathe... knowing there is always more.
In a conversation with Amy this morning and in reading Louise's Emerging Future's Blog things are surfacing. What is surfacing is my Intensity.
The difference between my perception of welcomed intensity and unwelcome intensity.
More and more often these days I am experiencing periods of intensity that feel like heaviness and denseness within my body. I have a new perception of what it means to be 'full of yourself'. Full of the very life force that exists in and around everything. Swirling, flowing, moving, waiting for the moment that I connect to the device that transmits it- my body! Today the intensity has increased. I have a feeling of seeing things around me differently. The words aren't free flowing yet which indicates I am still processing. I will come back to this later when the words are coming. No need to come back later here they come:
Density,buoyancy, intensity, lightness, stillness, movement, fullness, emptiness, vibration, aware of my crown chakra, slow rhythmic breathing, focused energy in my hands and feet. Aware of my body but aware more is existing outside of my body, a sense of connection, a vast connection beyond my own thoughts and feelings. A feeling of non-emotion but yet aware something is changing, altering the state I felt was my truth a few minutes ago. It almost feels like light headedness, everything is bright in my field of vision. Bottom of my feet are heavy, hot. I hear my children in the background as they play with their play dough, I wonder how long I will feel this and if they came to me in this moment would I move into the mother role or can I interact in this state? No fear just awareness of what is moving through my body in this moment. I am not the same, how do I know this? I just do. The amount of intensity that my body can hold and move just increased in this moment. I am SO AWAKE right now, awake to this moment and nothing else. I am going to go breathe... knowing there is always more.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Coming Home
When I was born I knew. I knew myself.
Along the path of life who I was was told to conform, listen to the voices outside myself and be patient. I learned quickly the rules, the dogma and the techniques that would allow me to 'fit in' and I would be celebrated for this.
This began my journey of walking away from myself. Walking away from the very being that spoke from a place of authenticity, my guide for maneuvering through this life by my own design.
I was often confused and felt like an outsider in my own life.
When my daughter was born and when I witnessed her Spirit I began the journey back to myself.
I thought since it had taken me 32 years to get here it would be a long tough road back. And still along the way I looked for something outside myself to mark that I was going the right way. What I have learned is the very experience of choosing to move back to myself was the only thing I needed for acceleration.
Awakening to no other purpose then to be is powerful. I was not able to journey here until now. Until I was able to know that where I am in this moment, where I was in the last moment and where I will be in the next moment is my Godforce/Spirit.
The Godforce that sings a different song (no better or worse) from others, just different. Other's voices are not my own, their truth's are an accumulation of their experience on their journey and mine are about my journey.
The awakening of being within my soul feels like coming home...coming home to myself.
No right or wrong, good or bad. No limitations besides the ones I choose for myself.
My truth is an experience not a philosophy. My life is an experience for being, choosing and allowing.We are taught the limitations of the physical body but they are only limitations if we say so. I am discovering the very limitations I held are the ones that are able to set me free as I allow myself to create and be.
Who am I and why am I here? These are 2 questions I have asked myself for many years And for many years the words of others sounded so beautiful but they were not my own. They resonated but still did not allow me to hear myself.
I watch in wonderment at the beauty in each moment as I stay present to myself. I can experience beauty far beyond what the eye can see.
If I believe what I can see is all there is, if I think what I hear is the only sound, if I believe the words I speak are the only truth then I have limited myself and this becomes my reality. I no longer choose this for myself so it no longer chooses me.
I have expanded to see all experiences have been meaningful even the ones I labelled as awful. I have expanded because the Wel-System Experiences www.Wel-Systems.com have allowed me to experience myself in a context free of dogma, techniques and guides. I have allowed me to choose me and to know every moment is my choice.
I have chosen to step out of the illusion that looking outside myself will bring me closer to myself because I have been here all along waiting patiently for the day I would turn around and see myself.
Along the path of life who I was was told to conform, listen to the voices outside myself and be patient. I learned quickly the rules, the dogma and the techniques that would allow me to 'fit in' and I would be celebrated for this.
This began my journey of walking away from myself. Walking away from the very being that spoke from a place of authenticity, my guide for maneuvering through this life by my own design.
I was often confused and felt like an outsider in my own life.
When my daughter was born and when I witnessed her Spirit I began the journey back to myself.
I thought since it had taken me 32 years to get here it would be a long tough road back. And still along the way I looked for something outside myself to mark that I was going the right way. What I have learned is the very experience of choosing to move back to myself was the only thing I needed for acceleration.
Awakening to no other purpose then to be is powerful. I was not able to journey here until now. Until I was able to know that where I am in this moment, where I was in the last moment and where I will be in the next moment is my Godforce/Spirit.
The Godforce that sings a different song (no better or worse) from others, just different. Other's voices are not my own, their truth's are an accumulation of their experience on their journey and mine are about my journey.
The awakening of being within my soul feels like coming home...coming home to myself.
No right or wrong, good or bad. No limitations besides the ones I choose for myself.
My truth is an experience not a philosophy. My life is an experience for being, choosing and allowing.We are taught the limitations of the physical body but they are only limitations if we say so. I am discovering the very limitations I held are the ones that are able to set me free as I allow myself to create and be.
Who am I and why am I here? These are 2 questions I have asked myself for many years And for many years the words of others sounded so beautiful but they were not my own. They resonated but still did not allow me to hear myself.
I watch in wonderment at the beauty in each moment as I stay present to myself. I can experience beauty far beyond what the eye can see.
If I believe what I can see is all there is, if I think what I hear is the only sound, if I believe the words I speak are the only truth then I have limited myself and this becomes my reality. I no longer choose this for myself so it no longer chooses me.
I have expanded to see all experiences have been meaningful even the ones I labelled as awful. I have expanded because the Wel-System Experiences www.Wel-Systems.com have allowed me to experience myself in a context free of dogma, techniques and guides. I have allowed me to choose me and to know every moment is my choice.
I have chosen to step out of the illusion that looking outside myself will bring me closer to myself because I have been here all along waiting patiently for the day I would turn around and see myself.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
I AM
I am done. I am new. I am me. I am okay. I am here.
I will not turn away from myself. I will live. I will not lay down. I will not fight. I will be. I will be more. I will cry. I will choose. I will be new. I feel free. I will allow. I will feel full. I will feel empty. I will say no. I will say yes. I will say nothing. I will RIG (Respect, Integrity and Generosity of Spirit) myself. I will RIG you. I will fall. I will fly. I will be real. I will float above. I will soar. I will crash. I will pick myself up. I will revel in the moment. I will want to skip moments. I will choose the easy way. I will choose the hard way. I will be aware I am judging myself when I judge others. I will say the right thing. I will say the wrong thing. I will create. I will feel nothing. I will allow in-difference. I will invite the questions. I will ask bigger questions. I will be new each moment. I will fall into your life. I will fall out of your life. I will see through new eyes. I will see through old eyes. I will laugh. I will scream. I will be FULLY ALIVE. I will not please. I will not die trying to be who I am NOT. I will not feel sorry for you. I will allow you to be you. I will allow the past to be the past. I will allow the future be the future. I will only choose in this moment. I will forget. I will remember. And in this next moment I may not want any of this and that's okay- because I said so!
At the end of the day I am a spiritual being having a human experience so I will learn as I go, honouring who I am and in turn I will be able to honour who you are because you allow me to see myself.
This is all mine and all of my choosing.
I will not turn away from myself. I will live. I will not lay down. I will not fight. I will be. I will be more. I will cry. I will choose. I will be new. I feel free. I will allow. I will feel full. I will feel empty. I will say no. I will say yes. I will say nothing. I will RIG (Respect, Integrity and Generosity of Spirit) myself. I will RIG you. I will fall. I will fly. I will be real. I will float above. I will soar. I will crash. I will pick myself up. I will revel in the moment. I will want to skip moments. I will choose the easy way. I will choose the hard way. I will be aware I am judging myself when I judge others. I will say the right thing. I will say the wrong thing. I will create. I will feel nothing. I will allow in-difference. I will invite the questions. I will ask bigger questions. I will be new each moment. I will fall into your life. I will fall out of your life. I will see through new eyes. I will see through old eyes. I will laugh. I will scream. I will be FULLY ALIVE. I will not please. I will not die trying to be who I am NOT. I will not feel sorry for you. I will allow you to be you. I will allow the past to be the past. I will allow the future be the future. I will only choose in this moment. I will forget. I will remember. And in this next moment I may not want any of this and that's okay- because I said so!
At the end of the day I am a spiritual being having a human experience so I will learn as I go, honouring who I am and in turn I will be able to honour who you are because you allow me to see myself.
This is all mine and all of my choosing.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Intimacy in Conversation
The emptiness, the fullness, the lightness and heaviness,the stillness with movement is my sensation of the calm after the storm. I am once again profoundly different then yesterday.
Yesterday was the chaos, the instability and agitation. When I owned it, stopped analysing it and made no excuses I was able to transform and profoundly change the internal landscape that who I AM calls home.
Today I moved through my day like a cloud floating in the sky. Aware that I was a cloud yet aware of so much more. I felt gentle and allowed that to flow through me today. I felt no judgements and the mind chatter would become silent as I found stillness in my body in the moment.
In conversations I was present but in a different way. I always felt to be present for others meant focusing on them. Today, being present to myself allowed me to have a more intimate engagement with the other person.
Focusing on myself and who I was today in my perception allowed others to focus on themselves while 'in' the conversation.
Again, this brings me back to the hunt as the metaphor for the conversation. When I make it about the conversation it becomes a conversation but when I am 'in' the conversation it becomes an intimate platform for magnificent 'exchange'.
Not bad for a day in the office- choosing myself and allowing intimacy to unfold 'in' the conversation.
Yesterday was the chaos, the instability and agitation. When I owned it, stopped analysing it and made no excuses I was able to transform and profoundly change the internal landscape that who I AM calls home.
Today I moved through my day like a cloud floating in the sky. Aware that I was a cloud yet aware of so much more. I felt gentle and allowed that to flow through me today. I felt no judgements and the mind chatter would become silent as I found stillness in my body in the moment.
In conversations I was present but in a different way. I always felt to be present for others meant focusing on them. Today, being present to myself allowed me to have a more intimate engagement with the other person.
Focusing on myself and who I was today in my perception allowed others to focus on themselves while 'in' the conversation.
Again, this brings me back to the hunt as the metaphor for the conversation. When I make it about the conversation it becomes a conversation but when I am 'in' the conversation it becomes an intimate platform for magnificent 'exchange'.
Not bad for a day in the office- choosing myself and allowing intimacy to unfold 'in' the conversation.
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